Culture
Football
Meet The Smiters: Hannes Þór “Wild Claws” Halldórsson

Meet The Smiters: Hannes Þór “Wild Claws” Halldórsson

Published January 31, 2018

Hannes Þór Halldórsson is more than just Iceland’s goalkeeper; he is the nation’s last line of defence and last bastion of national pride. When the enemy bears down upon his goal, he can be heard screaming “death or glory!”—a phrase that so terrified Croatia striker Mario Mandžukić, he renounced his faith after a 1-0 defeat to Iceland in 2017. It is rumoured that Hannes’ cries returned to Mandžukić so often in dreams that he became imbued with sadness and nihilism, believing that his one true God would not have allowed such anguish to continue.

In World Cup qualification, only five attempts found their way past ole ‘Wild Claws’ in nine appearances. Now approaching his 50th international battle and his 34th birthday, only by repelling the efforts of Messi, Modrić and co. can he collect sufficient tears to quench his thirst and sustain him for another four years.

“Off the pitch, Hannes is known as ‘The Auteur of Pain,’ owing both to his reputation as a maniac, and his extra-curricular dalliances as a film director.”

Although anything other than pulling on his deathly black Iceland jersey is of little consequence to Hannes, he is now stretching his arms for Randers FC in Denmark, having previously played for Fram and KR, Norwegian clubs Sandnes Ulf, FK Bodø/Glimt, and Dutch side N.E.C. Nijmegen.

Off the pitch, Hannes is known by his friends as ‘The Auteur of Pain,’ owing both to his reputation as a maniac, and his extra-curricular dalliances as a film director. If a film of Iceland’s exploits in the 2018 World Cup is already in the works, we can surely expect a Tarantino-esque bloodbath.

Age: 33
Hometown: Reykjavík
Club: Randers FC
Position: Goalkeeper
Special Skills: Blinding war cries, death-defying leaps, shield wall organisation, psychological warfare
Nicknames: Wild Claws, The Invader of Dreams, The Shield of Iceland, The Tear Taxman, The Auteur of Pain

Read more about football, and meet more smiters, here. Get yourself a Smite The World T-shirt here.


Culture
Football
#IcelandSmites: We Lost A Couple Of Matches, But Let’s Not Shit Ourselves

#IcelandSmites: We Lost A Couple Of Matches, But Let’s Not Shit Ourselves

by

Earlier this year, after their famous run in Euro 2016 and a thrilling qualifying campaign for the World Cup 2018,

Culture
Football
Smite Preview: Iceland To Eviscerate Belgium; Roberto Martinez Fears “Injured Animal”

Smite Preview: Iceland To Eviscerate Belgium; Roberto Martinez Fears “Injured Animal”

by

Having recovered from the berserk mushroom induced freakout that led to a 6-0 pounding at the hands of the scampering

Culture
Football
Iceland Smited 6-0 By Switzerland During Possible Mushroom Freakout

Iceland Smited 6-0 By Switzerland During Possible Mushroom Freakout

by

Iceland’s national football team was thrashed 6-0 by Switzerland today in their first game at the brand new UEFA Nation’s

Culture
Football
A Smite By Any Other Name: Women’s Team Crashes Out Of World Cup Contention

A Smite By Any Other Name: Women’s Team Crashes Out Of World Cup Contention

by and

As the Icelandic Valkyries’ World Cup hopes are shipwrecked, a new era begins for the men under Swedish coach Erik

Culture
Football
The Smiting Never Ends: Women’s World Cup, Aron & Hannes Contracts & More

The Smiting Never Ends: Women’s World Cup, Aron & Hannes Contracts & More

by and

After a fascinating World Cup tournament reached its finale, the Icelandic men’s team are regrouping for some coming tournaments, while

Culture
Football
Smiter-In-Chief Abandons The Longship: Heimir Steps Down As Iceland Manager

Smiter-In-Chief Abandons The Longship: Heimir Steps Down As Iceland Manager

by

Heimir Hallgrímsson, the head coach of the mens A group of the Icelandic National Football Team will not continue in

Show Me More!