Iceland Smites
Most read
Latest
-
The Real Thing: Icelandic Teams Have Their Asses Handed To Them In Europe
As the domestic Pepsi League chugs along in a state of relative stasis, the top four Icelandic teams of last year have begun their qualifying campaigns for the two European competitions. Drubbed As last year’s winners, Valur had the chance to qualify…
-
There Is A Smite That Never Goes Out: Icelandic Football Update
As the 2019-20 pre-season intensifies, the fate of our bold and mighty smiters comes into clearer focus. Of course, their hearts are set on one goal alone: Iceland winning Euro 2020. But in the meantime, a Viking has to earn a crust.…
-
The Pepsi League: Hey, Why Have Just Two Sets Of Goalposts?
As the Pepsi League reaches the halfway point of the 2019 season, KR Reykjavík—the black ‘n’ white magpies of Vesturbær—show no signs of letting up in their domination of Iceland’s top division. Having won all five of their last games, they’re sitting…
-
Icelandic Football News: Sexy Rúrik Smashes In A Hattrick!
With just a few weeks remaining until the start of the 2019-20 season, the smiters have returned to their clubs to sharpen their axes, make their blood offerings and cast their hexes for the campaign ahead. Here’s the latest Icelandic football news,…
-
Oh, Those Summer Smites: No Games, Gylfi’s Wedding, Sexy Rúrik Update
It’s the summer fallow season, when cottongrass blows through the air, the only sound anyone wants to hear is ice falling into a glass, and Iceland’s brave smiters take some time off from humiliating England, saving penalties from Messi, and repelling mobs…
-
#IcelandSmites: The 2018/19 Premier League Review
All of England breathed a sigh of relief on May 12th as the all-conquering Norse pillagers of Everton, Burnley and Cardiff finally took their leave of the English Premier League—some more permanently than others. With the season over and the smiting ceased,…
-
The Wales Is Not Enough: Aron Gunnarsson Sails To Qatar
For many people in football, the screaming, battle-hardened face of Iceland’s captain and midfield destroyer Aron Gunnarsson is merely a terrifying vision that haunts their every waking and sleeping moment. However, for the people of Cardiff, “The Annihilator” has been a stoic…
-
Iceland Smites: Iceland Thrash Andorra, Fail In France
As the Icelandic Football Association continued picking out altars on which to store the Euro 2020 trophy in the great hall, the team got to work on smiting their way into the finals of the tournament for the second time running. Here’s…
-
#IcelandSmites: How We’ll Decimate France At Euro 2020
DRUMS! Drums in the deep! That’s right: our football team is abroad once more… and our Iceland Euro 2020 smiting destiny is calling. Young warlords rise up Iceland’s squad for the imminent conquest of Euro 2020 has been announced. Alongside the scarred…
-
#IcelandSmites: Captain Aron Gunnarsson Breaks Welsh Hearts, Moves To Qatar
Aron “The Annihilator” Gunnarsson, the off-puller of heads, the midfield meister, the hard-tackling hell raiser, the raker of Ronaldo, the best beard in the world game, the tattooed terroriser, the catapult, the seven-clawed beast, he who has wrestled the fiercest bear and…
-
#IcelandSmites: Iceland On Track To Win Euro 2020
As the European 2019-20 season heads to its climax, Iceland’s quest to be crowned the best Viking football horde in Europe looms ever closer. The Euro 2020 qualifiers are coming and, like the White Walkers marching into Westeros, we’re ready. Euro trophy…
-
#IcelandSmites: Heimir “The Scarred Eye Of Óðinn” Hallgrímsson Sails To Qatar
Former manager of the Icelandic national football team, Heimir “the scarred eye of Óðinn” Hallgrímsson, The Darth Dentist, The Westman Warlord has confirmed that he will sail to Qatar, where he will coach the Qatari team Al Arabi in the top league.…
-
#IcelandSmites: Horde In Hamrén-induced Hypersleep; Glory Abounds Anyway
After the end of their injury-smited, ignominious UEFA Nation’s League campaign, the horde has dispersed back to their day jobs, once more smiting all and sundry in the top-tier contests across Europe. Here’s a rundown of the latest news from Camp Smite.…
-
Iceland To Beat World Champs France On Path To Inevitable Euro 2020 Triumph
The Euro 2020 qualification groups have been drawn, and Iceland will once against face their old rivals, World Cup holders France. France ended Iceland’s legendary Euro 2016 run in the quarter finals, but the last time the two sides met in a…
-
Unstoppable Thunder Of Viking Skipper Aron Gunnarsson Smites Premier League
Iceland’s totemic midfield general and infamous bearded warlord conqueror Aron “The Annihilator” Gunnarsson shook the Premier League once more yesterday when he thundered in a spectacular, acrobatic goal in a 2-1 win over fellow relegation contenders Wolves. Having returned from injury to…
-
#IcelandSmites: Taking Care Of Business, or Belgian Revenge Waffles Best Served Cold
Iceland’s indomitable footballers are spread across Europe—nay, THE WORLD—currently, plying their merciless mercenary trade for unimaginable spoils at clubs like Everton, Augsberg and Cardiff City. The shockwaves of their warlike talents radiate out from their every long throw, tumultuous tackle and glorious…
-
Failure To Smite: Iceland 1-2 Switzerland
After thrashing the World Champions 2-2 in a thoroughly unjust unfriendly draw last week, Iceland faced off against Switzerland, one of the world’s top sides, in the UEFA Nations League last night. The time is drawing nigh for #ISL to take revenge…
-
Indestructible Icelandic Football Horde To Imminently Decimate The Swiss
After their 2-2 victory against the World Cup champions France last week—a hard-fought game that scientifically proved once and for all that Iceland have exactly what it takes to win the World Cup—Iceland will today return to home soil to take on…
-
Iceland Football Team Draw France 2-2, Are Officially As Good As World Champions
Iceland smited World Champions France last night in a thrilling 2-2 draw at the Stage de Roudourou. They were only denied a famous rout by the visibly drunk referee, who caved to the teary-eyed home crowd by awarding France a bullshit nothing…
-
#IcelandSmites: We Lost A Couple Of Matches, But Let’s Not Shit Ourselves
Earlier this year, after their famous run in Euro 2016 and a thrilling qualifying campaign for the World Cup 2018, Iceland’s stock as a footballing force had never been higher. The team hit a record high of 21st in the World FIFA…
-
Iceland Smited 6-0 By Switzerland During Possible Mushroom Freakout
Iceland’s national football team was thrashed 6-0 by Switzerland today in their first game at the brand new UEFA Nation’s League tournament. New manager Erik Hamren looked on as a 2-0 half time deficit turned to 6-0 in a disastrous second half.…
-
A Smite By Any Other Name: Women’s Team Crashes Out Of World Cup Contention
As the Icelandic Valkyries’ World Cup hopes are shipwrecked, a new era begins for the men under Swedish coach Erik Hamrén. Here’s the latest news from the battlecamp. Icelandic women’s team smited by Germany Our national women’s football team roared into battle…
-
The Smiters Reawaken: Our Girls To Shatter German Psyche, “Horror Hooves” Provokes Limb Frenzy & More
The football – and thereby the smiting – is returning to European shores, but the times they are a-changin’. Coach Heimir has left his post, Aron “The Annihilator” Gunnarsson is playing Premier League football for the first time in four years and…