Culture
Football
Iceland On Track To Win World Cup, Starting Tonight With Kosovo

Iceland On Track To Win World Cup, Starting Tonight With Kosovo

Photos by
Art Bicnick

Published October 9, 2017

Iceland will tonight smite the weedy minnows of Kosovo on their way to winning the World Cup 2017.

The last time the two teams met, it was a tough game. Iceland destroyed them, obviously, with the scoreline of 2-1 reflecting that we’re at least twice as good as they are. That’s just maths, people.

Crazed war psychosis

But rumour has it, that night, the Islendingar warriors struggled to flip into their trademark crackling, mighty, electric, ridiculous, epic, bloodletting berserker rage against such lowly opposition. This means the supposedly easy games are sometimes the hardest.

However, with their eyes set firmly on the tempting gleam of the World Cup trophy, and all of entrails, omens, visions and runes pointing to Iceland’s Inevitable World Cup Winning Destiny—and a home town horde screaming from the stands—reaching the psychotic fervour of berserker mode should be easy tonight.

The horror, the horror

Perhaps more of a concern than qualification is smiting Kosovo a little too hard. It’s said that several members of the England squad never fully recovered from the trauma of their Euro 2016 smiting. Wayne Rooney slinked off to Everton from Manchester United the next season, to sit on the bench, his eyes teary and bloodshot, staring into the distance and muttering “We didn’t see them coming… the drums… the horror…”

There are rumours that, to alleviate such possible outcomes tonight, Hannes Halldórsson has been instructed to, if the mood takes him, let in a sympathy goal.

And so we say: good luck, Kosovo. You may not win the match, but you can try and keep your sanity.

Of course, you can follow the goings on via the @RVKgrapevine Twitter account. We’ll be watching the omens all day, and live tweeting the match.


Culture
Football
#IcelandSmites: We Lost A Couple Of Matches, But Let’s Not Shit Ourselves

#IcelandSmites: We Lost A Couple Of Matches, But Let’s Not Shit Ourselves

by

Earlier this year, after their famous run in Euro 2016 and a thrilling qualifying campaign for the World Cup 2018,

Culture
Football
Smite Preview: Iceland To Eviscerate Belgium; Roberto Martinez Fears “Injured Animal”

Smite Preview: Iceland To Eviscerate Belgium; Roberto Martinez Fears “Injured Animal”

by

Having recovered from the berserk mushroom induced freakout that led to a 6-0 pounding at the hands of the scampering

Culture
Football
Iceland Smited 6-0 By Switzerland During Possible Mushroom Freakout

Iceland Smited 6-0 By Switzerland During Possible Mushroom Freakout

by

Iceland’s national football team was thrashed 6-0 by Switzerland today in their first game at the brand new UEFA Nation’s

Culture
Football
A Smite By Any Other Name: Women’s Team Crashes Out Of World Cup Contention

A Smite By Any Other Name: Women’s Team Crashes Out Of World Cup Contention

by and

As the Icelandic Valkyries’ World Cup hopes are shipwrecked, a new era begins for the men under Swedish coach Erik

Culture
Football
The Smiting Never Ends: Women’s World Cup, Aron & Hannes Contracts & More

The Smiting Never Ends: Women’s World Cup, Aron & Hannes Contracts & More

by and

After a fascinating World Cup tournament reached its finale, the Icelandic men’s team are regrouping for some coming tournaments, while

Culture
Football
Smiter-In-Chief Abandons The Longship: Heimir Steps Down As Iceland Manager

Smiter-In-Chief Abandons The Longship: Heimir Steps Down As Iceland Manager

by

Heimir Hallgrímsson, the head coach of the mens A group of the Icelandic National Football Team will not continue in

Show Me More!