The Icelandic horde will descend upon the unsuspecting Levi’s Stadium in San Francisco tonight for an unparalleled decimation of the Mexican football team in a pre-World Cup “unfriendly” match-up.
It is rumoured that the Icelandic coach, Heimir Hallgrímsson, sought an audience with the intolerable racist U.S. wanker-in-chief Donald Trump ahead of the match, to make sure he won’t spoil the battle by attempting to deport the Mexican team at half-time. Unable to secure an appointment, he instead set a few trees on fire on the White House lawn by way of a warning.
Psychic warfare
At home in Iceland, a coven of Highland witches, led by Solla the Strange, gathered at Hveravellir to engage in a psychic war with a powerful battery of peyote-quaffing brujos who formed a sacred circle around the entire shoreline of Lake Catemaco in anticipation of the rough night ahead.
Uncensored battle footage
The game will be shown after the watershed, so expect full and uncensored coverage that’ll make the battle scenes from Braveheart look like an episode of Teletubbies.
The last time Mexico fought on this battleground, they were thrashed 7-0 by Chile. If our reading of the runes is correct, they’ll soon be thinking of that result as “the good old days.”
Those in the U.S. can watch the game via fuboTV. In England, you can try Univision, and in Iceland, the game will stream on RUV, the national broadcasting service.
You can follow our live-tweeting of the game here.
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