Sources close to Grapevine within the Central Bank have confirmed that Iceland is going to abandon its age-old love-hate relationship with the króna, and just stop using money altogether.
The króna—long a point of national pride—has also been subject to drastic swings in value after even the tiniest ripples on the global market. Proposals to adopt the euro, and even the Canadian dollar, have never fully panned out, and bankers are officially out of ideas.
“Money is so 2007,” a Central Bank official told us. “Economics is as scientifically accurate as astrology, only not as fun. I’d rather eat my own hands than look at another line graph again. We’re better off going back to barter and trade.” When asked how Iceland intends to trade with other nations without money, the official scoffed: “We’ll use fish or something, I dunno. It’s not my problem anymore. I’m going to learn how to windsurf.”
Tourists to Iceland are advised to bring a supply of commodities that are hard to find in Iceland, in lieu of actual money. These commodities include exotic fruit, reptiles, melatonin and handguns.
Some existing copies of actual paper money will be housed in the National Museum, but the rest will be recycled into confetti for this year’s May Day parade.
DISCLAIMER: This is not a thing that actually happened. Yet.
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