Stuck in a tricky situation? Don’t worry. Grapevine’s official advice column is here to help you.
how can I stay sane and fabulous on my Strætó commute?
The answer is easy: you can’t. Strætó is a miserable place at eight o’clock in the morning—people trapped like sardines in a metal box, your nose dangerously close to somebody’s armpit. Your only way to stay sane, then, is to be more obnoxious than everybody else.
Big headphones say “I’m cool, don’t talk to me,” but the best shield against the gaze of old ladies trying to steal your seat is a pretend nap. To minimise sweat-fests, dress in easily removable layers, while high block heels will keep you elevated towards higher levels of oxygen.
But whatever you do, don’t groan at the sight of a pram. It’s tasteless. Instead, give the child a withering stare until it cries, and make everybody else equally uncomfortable. A trouble shared is a trouble halved, no?
What can I do if my house is haunted?
As my grandma would say, you need to figure out whether the spirits are good or bad. To do so, you need to fill some bowls with about 2 cm of saturated saline solution. Then place the bowls in hidden corners of your house (for instance under your bed or on top of the fridge) and let them sit there until the water evaporates.
If the salt has crystallised in a neat, uniform way you’ve got positive spirits guarding your house.
If the salt has clustered randomly, however, you need to purify your house. Scrub floors and walls with a solution of water, salt and vinegar, and hang branches of mint in hidden corners of the house to keep the ghosts at bay. Keep us posted!
Send your unsolvable (UNTIL NOW) problems to firstname.lastname@example.org.
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