From Iceland — Sour Grapes & Stuff

Sour Grapes & Stuff

Published March 1, 2013

Sour Grapes & Stuff

Most Awesome Letter of the Issue
An Open Letter about the Icelandic Eurovision Preselection
Sometimes it might be quite nice to have a different view on things from abroad and here are some thoughts from far away Austria on Icelandic Eurovision which could hopefully start a debate.
First of all I have to make a big statement: Yes –  I really love Iceland! Iceland is one of my most loved countries in the world. It has amazing countryside, spectacular nature, liberal and warmhearted people, fantastic arts… A reason why I have visited this wonderful country several times and I read everything I can get about it.
But there is one thing I really can’t understand: Your Eurovision Preselection.
I’m sorry to say that but I really haven’t seen such a boring and uninspired event.
Yes, I know legendary Páll Oskar and Sylvia Night. Two groundbreaking performances and artists which ESC fans on the continent still remember so well and which are always broadcast in compilation tv shows here. Funny, fresh, innovative!
But what has happend in the last years and especially this year? Who has chosen all those songs? Where is the entertainment? Where is variety? Where is innovation? Where are new artists?
What I can see is just an old fashioned folk-pop festival. Most of the songs and the singers just seem like clones. All female singers are sweet, middleaged and – average. Men are all of the type softrocker. And that’s it. Nothing edgy, different, something to discuss, no spectacular shows, no scandal. Just songs which are well made but in a strange way seem to be all just the same. Absolutely no one with the potential to become a Eurovision icon!
Really sad because I always have the impression that Icelandic music is really colourful and just more than old fashioned folk pop!
Where is Friðrik Dór, FM Belfast, Dikta, Blár Ópal or ÁSA. Rand&Band. Her song „saetir kossar“ has even in Icelandic language become a hit.
And this is another thing I really don’t understand: The Icelandic language is really beautiful but why have all the songs first be in Icelandic and then when they go to the big stage they are translated in English – like all the other songs. To me this seems a really weird system. I’m so sure that people on the continent adore Icelandic language – like „saetir kossar“.
These are just some thoughts I had to write down and maybe it’s just something to think about a bit.
Hopefully my wonderful Iceland next year will have a Eurovision Preselection as colourful, edgy, innovative and great like the country is!!! and then again it will be 12 points from Austria!
Dear Julia,
How endearing that you are so passionate about our participation in Eurovision! Maybe the reason we never won before is because no one cared enough, had the respect or the decency to tell us the truth. It’s like when you’re a teenager and you’re dating someone really awful and none of your friends tell you about it and then finally you make a really awesome friend and they give you a reality check. And boy do we need a Eurovision reality check!
Or wait. Doesn’t Eurovision need a reality check? Aren’t the contestants from every country just pure crap? Even the ones that are marginally good, which honestly are few and far between, are still generally considered pure crap. Engelbert Humperdinck and Céline Dion being exceptions, of course. In any case, we like this letter and we think Eurovision is very funny (see Rebecca Louder’s opinion piece ‘Be A Cow’ on our website: Have a present to ease your Eurovision pain!

I am barrister Ben John personal attorney to Mr.Patrick Winn, a citizen of your country, who used to work with Shell Development Company in Lome Togo. Here in after shall be known as my client. On April 21, 2000 my client his wife and his only daughter were involved in a car accident along Nouvissi Express Road. All passengers of the vehicle unfortunately lost there lives.
Since then I have made several inquiries to your embassy here to locate any of my clients extended relatives this has also proved unsuccessful.
After these several unsuccessful attempts I decided to track his last name on the Internet to locate any member of his family hence I contacted you. I have contacted you to assist in repartrating Fund in the amount of USD 15,2 million left my client before it gets confisicated or declared unfit for togolaise-Union Bank (UTB) where this huge amount was deposited! He said the bank has issued me a notice to provide the next of kin or have his account confisicated within twenty one official working days.
Since I was unsuccessful in locating the relatives for over 2years now,I seek the consent to present you as next of kin, so that the proceeds of this account can be paid to you and we use it for investment in your country.
I have all the necessary information and legal documents needed to back you up for claim. All I require from you is your honest cooperation to enable us see this transaction through.
I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law.
With best wishes.
Attorney Ben John
Dear Attorney Ben John (if that is your real name),
The son of a Nigerian prince called and he wants his 419 scam back. Who do you think you’re dealing with here, a bunch of amateurs? Did you really think you could pull a fast one on us? Well think again, punk! We don’t get taken in so easily by money-grubbing scumbags like yourself. We know your type – flashy, always making the scene with your good time buddies. But when you mess with the Grapevine, you mess with the wrong free newspaper, buster!

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