From Iceland — Well, You Asked: Only One Nine-Year-Old Child Welcome

Well, You Asked: Only One Nine-Year-Old Child Welcome

Published February 1, 2019

Well, You Asked: Only One Nine-Year-Old Child Welcome
Hannah Jane Cohen
Photo by
Art Bicnick

Am I a bad environmentalist if I desire nothing more than warm baby puke upon my bosom?

Well, technically, yes. Humans are a plague and the environmental toll of having one child adds up to around 58.6 tonnes of carbon each year. That’s a lot. Deforestation, plastic waste, mining—all are the result of your puking spawn, you selfish bitch.

That said, if you and your baby daddy have only one kid together, you are doing your part to decrease the human population by 50%, which is a good thing. My advice? Have one kid and together, we can all work to offset Mormon couples relentlessly reproducing to populate their celestial kingdoms.

Am I a bad feminist for wanting nothing more than to be a housewife?

Damn, I assume you are the same person who asked the previous question. You’ve got issues. But on the downlow, all women want to be housewives. It means we don’t have to work. Thus, aspire to marry a rich woman/man and spend your time on floral design and watching ‘The West Wing.’ Talk about a celestial kingdom!

Is Sweden even a thing anymore? What have they even done since Basshunter?

Sweden is lame. They’ve def gone downhill ever since the reign of Charles XII, of whom we at the Reykjavík Grapevine are big fans. That said, there’s Eric from ‘True Blood,’ Robyn, Sabaton and PewDiePie. They’re all solid, especially the latter, to whose YouTube channel you should subscribe at this exact moment. Do your part.

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