From Iceland — Well, You Asked: Sautéed Crotch Area

Well, You Asked: Sautéed Crotch Area

Published December 7, 2018

Well, You Asked: Sautéed Crotch Area
Valur Grettisson
Photo by
Art Bicnick

Stuck in a sticky situation? Don’t worry, Grapevine’s advice column is here to help you. 

The colder months have started and I noticed that I now have winter dick, it’s a real thing, it’s when the temperature is so low that your penis shrivels and tries to escape inside itself. I keep the heaters on at home all the time just in case I bring home a date, but it doesn’t make any difference. What can I do to make sure any potential shag isn’t disappointed when they finally see the winter of my discontent?
– Jonathan

Icelanders do have some tricks up their sleeve. Or in their pants. The first is to always wear long johns when going out. They’ll secure the luggage and keep it warm in all conditions. The trick is to either explain to your paramour in a humorous way before you go home that you’re sporting flannel undies, rather than making an awkward scene out of it. That, or turn off the lights before you disrobing for bed. Then be sure to undress quickly. This could obviously come across like you’re way too desperate, but you can’t win ’em all, and let’s be honest, you probably are. One downside of this is of course that you will have a sautéed crotch area. So foreplay is kind of out.

If you want to be subtle, you can buy woollen boxers. The outcome will be the same as with the long johns, but you don’t have to undress under the cover of darkness. Just remember, foreplay is still out question… unless your lover is really into crotch sweat. And if that’s the case, you should run.

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