Iceland is the number one consumer of antidepressants worldwide. One possible reason for this is the complete lack of theme parks located anywhere in the country. C’mon, how would anyone be happy in Finland if not for Moomin World? What reason would there be to stay alive in Tennessee without Dollywood? Checkmate, depression.
A sad history of fun
In the past, there have been a number of theme parks, or more accurately fairgrounds, sprinkled around the country, but none have lasted. Vatnsmýrin hosted Tívolí í Reykjavík from 1946 to 1965, which boasted a number of small car rides and such. Tívolí í Hveragerði had an eight year run from 1986 to 1994 and featured attractions like a hall of mirrors and go-kart track. That said, both were tiny by international standards and neither possessed any large rides like roller coasters.
Skemmtigarðurinn in Grafarvogur is the closest thing to a theme park currently running, but it’s more like a sports park, offering things like paintball and mini-golf. Kópavogur’s SmáraTívolí also has a few carnival rides, but it’s still too small to really enter theme park territory. More importantly, neither are themed, and as everyone knows, a good theme park, like a good party, demands a solid theme.
Hit us up investors
To fill this gaping happiness hole, we at Grapevine have helpfully brainstormed a number of possible Iceland-focused attractions. For instance, kick out all the inhabitants of Vestmannaeyjar and turn the volcanic island into Puffin Paradise, an all-inclusive resort town complete with the Magical Migration roller coaster, underground Burrow Hole-tel, and a live cliff jumping stage show hosted by Lundi, your friendly neighbourhood teenage puffin.
Fresh from that wildly successful venture, why not rebuild the entirety of the highlands into JónsINSANITY, the world’s first Sigur rós-themed adventure park! Stop by for the Takk…-A-Whirl, Valtariss Wheel, and sing-a-long Didgeridoo dance show. Trust us, this is a guaranteed goldmine.
Investors, our email is firstname.lastname@example.org.
Buy subscriptions, t-shirts and more from our shop right here!