The evolution of luxury tourism is just one eruption away
The azure waters wash over you. The innate healing properties of ancient silica cleanse your body and soul. For a moment, it feels as though the ground around you is shaking as the water bubbles. Fissures form in the landscape as lava seeps out of the cracks. The Blue Lagoon is about to be Blue La-Gone and, by God, is it glorious.
Unless you’ve been living under a molten rock for the past couple months, you know that volcanoes have been poppin’ off on the regular on the Reykjanes peninsula. Unlike the more touristy eruptions of years past, the more recent events have been devastating for local infrastructure and the town of Grindavík.
But worry not, the Blue Lagoon is open for business! They’ve repeatedly reopened their facilities after repeatedly having to close or evacuate. To be clear, they’re open with the blessing of the authorities, but you do have to take an alternative road to the facility now that the main one was swallowed up by a lava flow. So, if the inevitable does happen and the Blue Lagoon is destroyed, I propose a revolutionary idea: Blue Lagoon 2: The Lost World™. Here are some of the amenities it can offer.
Heated pools? A thing of the past, my friends. The trademark blue water of the eponymous lagoon comes from subterranean geothermal water that is run through a power plant and then dumped out the back door for you to wade in. This keeps the water hot. But at Blue Lagoon 2: The Lost World™ the pools will be superheated by dumping lava directly into the water. They only have to change their website a little; “Some people came to the water for healing. Others for pleasure. But all who came, left with…” severe third-degree burns.
It’s important to remember that when molten magma breaks the Earth’s surface it isn’t just hot, it also fills the air with toxic fumes. Everything from carbon dioxide and hydrogen sulphide to sulphur dioxide and hydrogen halides. For a luxurious new experience, these could be gathered and pumped directly into saunas. You’d have to enter with a gas mask (which could be provided for a generous rate), but just imagine the luxury of steaming alongside cerulean waters as fumes swirl around you and your chest feels like it’s going to collapse. Magnificent.
The current Lagoon boasts two restaurants, one aptly named Lava and the other Moss. At Blue Lagoon 2: The Lost World™, the two restaurants will be combined into a singular Lava restaurant — the flowing molten rock will help the seamless melting together of the establishments. The chefs will have to cook directly over the ash pile that is now the restaurant, but the entire affair can surely be spun and packaged as a “rustic” or “natural” form of cooking. I mean, they pawn power plant runoff as a luxury, so the marketing team clearly knows what they’re doing.
If there is absolutely nothing salvageable from the OG Blue Lagoon, the attraction of Blue Lagoon 2: The Lost World™ will simply a smouldering ruin. They can open up a gift shop nearby selling the charred remains of the old facility. Sadly, that means we’ll have to listen to the tourists who visited Blue Lagoon boast about having visited before it all burned down. Cue the chorus of “The second one isn’t anything like the original.” Ugh.
Want more Charlie Winters in your life? Keep up with their musings right here.
Buy subscriptions, t-shirts and more from our shop right here!
