From Iceland — Well, You Asked: Hand Wars

Well, You Asked: Hand Wars

Published November 26, 2020

Well, You Asked: Hand Wars
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You asked. We answered. The Grapevine does not accept liability from this point forward.

How can I pass the time stranded in an airport where everything is closed?
Host an illegal gathering. Stand on your head. Count backwards from one thousand. Learn to play the flute. Once you’ve done all that, make fake announcements on the loudspeaker telling everybody else to leave the airport at once. When the plane arrives you’ll get it all to yourself, and no one will be left to complain about your flute playing.

I am a dog and the Editor-In-Chief of the Reykjavík Grapevine won’t take me for a walk in the snow. What should I do?
Holy shit, are you serious? This is not okay. But to be perfectly honest, it’s also not surprising. Rumour has it he hates Christmas and doesn’t support his staff’s aspirations into the world of erotic coronavirus fiction. A coup is necessary. Try lying on your back with your little feet in the air and running in circles underneath his desk. If that doesn’t work, assassinate.

Should I use my non-dominant hand for more day-to-day things because it feels left behind? Do non-dominant hands feel neglect?
We were thinking of conducting an interview with a non-dominant hand in order to answer your question, but unfortunately, everyone in the Grapevine office is so busy neglecting their non-dominant hand that we don’t even have a hand to ask. It’s a dog eat dog world, I guess. Tell your non-dominant hand to talk to the dominant hand because the face ain’t bothered.

My boyfriend always smells like fish but he claims to be vegan and lectured me about veganism!?
Okay, not to sound crazy, but we strongly suspect that your boyfriend might be a puffin. They’re notoriously self-righteous, compulsively lie and really like fish. You heard it here first.

How do I maintain the right balance of liquid foundation and powder, so that I look fresh without looking like someone threw a bowl of pancake batter at my face?
This might sound counter-intuitive, but pancake batter is actually the answer. Apply generously. If you have any leftover foundation, use it to make pancakes.

Note: Due to the effect the Coronavirus is having on tourism in Iceland, it’s become increasingly difficult for the Grapevine to survive. If you enjoy our content and want to help the Grapevine’s journalists do things like eat and pay rent, please consider joining our High Five Club.

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