From Iceland — Comic Books, Rings, And Sex All Night: Countess Malaise's Perfect Day

Comic Books, Rings, And Sex All Night: Countess Malaise’s Perfect Day

Published June 6, 2019

Comic Books, Rings, And Sex All Night: Countess Malaise’s Perfect Day
Hannah Jane Cohen
Photo by
Art Bicnick

Countess Malaise, Reykjavík’s resident rap goth bitch, gives us the tea on her perfect day in the city.

First thing in the morning
I wake up and the sun is shining because I’m a summer child. I have a tall glass of water, make a smoothie and do some stretches. That’s the perfect way to start your day. Then, I go to the gym. I go to World Class now, but in my perfect world, Baðhúsið would still be open. I liked that place because the vibe was really cosy. I work out, sweat, go in the hot pot, chill a little bit, get a massage, and then really start my day.

countess malaise

For lunch, I go to some place where I can sit outside and there’s a gluten free and vegan lunch available. All my friends are there and we spill some tea and laugh our brains out until I get a six pack.

Now I have a six pack from laughing and I’m feeling super sexy. I head to the studio and write and record three songs and feel accomplished. Then, I go to the Reykjavík City Library and chill in the comic book section and read all the comics I see. Afterwards, it’s off to Kolaportið, where I’d buy some rings and get blinged out. I’m feeling super shiny.

It’s like 17:00 now and I’m blinged up with my six pack. I need some nourishment, though, so I head to Gló for the Mexican bowl. I get it takeaway so I can sit outside in the sun and tan. A friend I haven’t seen in a long time sits down with me. We chat and smoke a cigarette, but on this perfect day it’s not cancerous.

countess malaise

Heat of the night
At home, all my makeup brushes are clean and I have everything I need to beat my face exactly as I want it, so I burn some incense, put some nice lighting on, light a ton of candles, and beat my face up. I look super cute, tanned and still have a six pack. Then, I get a taxi to Prikið and everybody that I want to meet is there. We have a great-ass time, then I head home and take a shower to wash away the day. After that, I fuck all night.

Check out Countess Malaise‘s famous “Goth Bitch” below:

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