From Iceland — It's Raining Men: Why The US Invading Iceland Will Be Better This Time

It’s Raining Men: Why The US Invading Iceland Will Be Better This Time

Published February 10, 2016

It’s Raining Men: Why The US Invading Iceland Will Be Better This Time
York Underwood

In 1940, the British invaded Iceland, in an operation called “Operation Fork.” The British, followed by the Americans and Canadians, were an exotic import to Iceland. They wore uniforms, showered, listened to jazz and were overly friendly and courteous–intriguing young Icelandic women. This was known as “The Situation.” Women were ostracized for hanging out with “the boys.” Actually, ostracized isn’t a strong enough word…persecuted, women were persecuted.

Luckily, there have been big changes since then! Iceland rates highest in the world for gender-equality (by no means an indication of being great, simply less bad). Also, Icelanders, some would argue, are bit more refined and dress fancier than their American counterparts. Hell, Iceland is better at creating American-sounding sanitised pop music–looking at you Of Monsters and Men. But the biggest change, the most important change, is that the American military repealed Bill Clinton’s ridiculous “Don’t ask, Don’t tell” policy and finally gave homosexuals the right to die for America’s various military interventions around the world while being open about their identity! *Slow Clap*

The United States is invading once again (Operation Spoon?).

Why is this going to be better? Well, I asked comedian Jono Duffy, Iceland’s only gay comedian from Australia, and he, for one, welcomes the new meat to the market. “We need more gay guys in Iceland,” said Jono. “After a while, you’ve basically met or slept with everyone.”

We finally have a successful marketing ploy for the unmarketable Keflavík area. For too long Keflavík has been the butt of jokes and the bane of the judicial system. It will no longer be a place people are embarrassed to come from, but a place people are excited to go to. Keflavík could become Iceland’s Gay Club, “The Gay Situation.”

KiKi (Reykjavík’s Gay Club) is great, probably one of the best clubs in Reykjavík, but it’s too far from the base. Iceland likes to be a leader in the world (per capita). This could be a town of mostly gay bars. Right next to a military base! Iceland could become the dream station for gay military men. Cute, crew-cut men in tank tops and uniforms heading off-base for a wild night in Keflavík. Think about it, developers. You have a real opportunity here.

I realise this is one-sided and excludes the various other genders and orientations, but this is America we are talking about. We need to ease them in. Of course, these bars are for everyone. We are all human after all. The American military still openly bars transgender people from joining the military. America is no longer exotic and refined. It has fallen behind. They are reinvading and we need to be ready. If we don’t help them move more bravely into the 21st century, we might have a situation on our hands.

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Enough. Stop. Now.

Enough. Stop. Now.


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