Souvenirs are an essential part of any good (or bad) travelling experience. From the smallest token taken from nature (like that pebble in your pocket—or are you just happy to see me?) to extravagant spontaneous purchases, they seem to be absolutely indispensable to a holiday. At least that’s what the merchandisers would have us think.
Iceland definitely doesn’t lack for its share of gift shops, with all the usual suspects found within them, but some items offer a bit more punch while others are downright baffling. Here are a few items that will tickle you pink or blow your mind with inanity. You be the judge.
This delightfully phallic drinking receptacle is perfect for the most gutter-minded traveller or lover of impractical cup handles. I could barely fit three of my little girl fingers through the handle, making it fairly difficult to hold when empty. Just imagine when full. Or with fully-grown hands! For 1.590 ISK though, it might be worth it, just to leave it on your kitchen shelf and disturb your guests.
Can of Fresh Mountain Air
Oh, a can of air for 990 ISK? Why, of course I need that! That’s a great deal on air. Usually the air I breathe costs nothing. Clearly I’m getting ripped off. Wait a minute… Seriously though. This pop-top can claims to contain 240ml of fresh mountain air, so presumably you would peel back the lid and get a nice burst of mountain freshness. Maybe it’s a gag and there’s actually a fart inside. Actually, that would be worth 990 ISK.
Who doesn’t love painting a flag on their face? I could do it every day. With so many countries with red, white and blue as official colours, you can totally switch it up depending on what team is playing. (Unless Russia is playing France. Then you’re fucked, sorry.) For 935 ISK, even I couldn’t resist purchasing it and Icelandicizing my face.
Ice cubes are wonderful in water, but who wants their turpentine cocktail diluted with pesky water? Not me! Lucky for all us chick-drink drunks, there are Rocks On Ice. Nine solid cubes made of pure Icelandic Gabbro rock that chill to the perfect temperature after 2-3 hours in the freezer. They are also an ecological alternative to the water waste that goes into the refilling of an ice tray. For 3,490 ISK, this is a worthwhile investment to anyone with a home bar.
Angry Love Stuffed Toys
Goddamnit, I wanna punch these in the face. Look at that fucking seal cub (2.890 ISK). Don’t you just want to take it out on the ice and club the shit out of it? And that wolf (5.980 ISK)! Who does he think he is? What is he gonna do, howl at the moon or something? Fucking unbearably cute, fake animals. Any rage therapist would recommend spending the money to regain control of your life. Don’t let the cuteness take control.
Whale of a Time in Iceland
The person who designed this for children clearly didn’t realise they were designing a shirt for Death Cab For Cutie circa 2005 fans. This shirt says two words: Seth Cohen. Also available in blue and yellow, for the ultimate emo nerd. 1.890 ISK.
ég tala ekki íslensku
Why would you be so proud of this? If you are just here for a weekend, it’s totally unnecessary, and if you’re here for a while, you’re a jerk for not trying. You might as well just buy a shirt with all the languages you don’t speak, or a shirt saying you’re mute. 2.800 ISK.