Words by

Valur Grettisson

Photo by

Adobe Stock

Apparently, you think we’re good at giving advice. Well, you’re right about that. 

I’m a 69-year-old man who just retired from my lifelong job as a plumber. I’m having a little trouble with money, so I’m thinking about opening an OnlyFans account to make a little cash on the side. Do you have any tips?

Uh… yes! Yes I do! Finally, an advice question that’s actually interesting.

Now. The first thing you need to do is pick a price. We don’t want to go overboard here, but we’d say a reasonable monthly fee is between $9.99 and $15.99 depending on your content and posting schedule. Of course, you could opt for the “free subscription” model where you then charge individually for photo sets or videos, but c’mon. It’s important that your fans feel like they are purchasing a quality product, but at the same time, purchasing at a low enough price that they will send you lots of tips and requests (accompanied by tips) for other content. Of course, you could you, being 69, could just go all in and charge $69.69. Cue the laugh track.

Next, you have to promote your stuff online and the best way to do that is via Instagram, TikTok, Twitter and Facebook. As a 69 year old retiree, you might not know what all those are, but check out google.com for more information. Anyway, consistency and communication is key on social media. Look at the Grapevine! We bombard our viewers. But most importantly, it’s good to create a movement. An erotic simp revolution where no one needs to be ashamed of themselves.

Then it’s about consistency and hard work. Don’t give up, keep grinding, and remember that this is a marathon, not a sprint. Also, remember to be positive and open about this new career. You’re there to slay, not to hide away from judgemental society. If you have any more questions, DM me.

I was walking home the other day, and found 1 kilo of cocaine on the street. I have no idea what to do and I really need your help here.

DM me. Seriously. DM ME!

For more advice, send us an email at grapevine@grapevine.is 

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