HASSANS WORLD - The Reykjavik Grapevine

HASSANS WORLD

HASSANS WORLD

Published August 20, 2004

A black woman wearing an Icelandic national costume, but actually she’s Italian, a member of the Icelandic Alþingi with adopted South American children, countless men with Thai wives, all three Presidential candidates with foreign wives. Things must have been so much simpler when Iceland was only populated by Irish monks, Norwegian Vikings, Irish slaves, English fishermen, Danish traders, Spanish pirates, American soldiers, and it was so easy to tell an Icelander from a foreigner by their blonde hair, fair skin and blue eyes… apart from the ones that had brown hair, red hair, curly hair, dark skin, brown eyes, green eyes, were short, not so slim, not muscular…
Food and Drink News
Alka Seltzer is now available in Iceland. For anyone unfamiliar with this product, it enables the user to gorge on fat-laden food such as hamburgers, greasy pizzas, ice cream, all washed down with litres of Coke and then, when indigestion sets in, you simply make yourself a little fizzy drink and you’re ready to re-take your position on your La-Z-Boy chair to start again on the chocolate, potato crisps and liquid sugar.
Europris, the downmarket Bónus, is now selling bottled Norwegian water. This seems to have caused a bit of a stir. Who do these Norwegians think they are anyway? Don’t they know that Iceland has the purest tap water in the world? If anyone wishes to sample pure Icelandic tap water, Coca-Cola has made it so much simpler by making it available in bottles.
Driving News
Sales of off-road, 4×4 vehicles with oversized wheels are still climbing despite the fact that off-road driving is prohibited. It has been suggested that it’s the people who claim to love the country who are the very ones who destroy it. Experts have also questioned why ‘explorers’ here require every modern convenience and electronic gizmo, drive in huge convoys and still manage to get lost or stuck.
Media News
Morgunblaðið, Iceland’s most respected newspaper, used to have it’s offices situated on Aðalstræti, in the building which is now an insurance company. It was said that when the reporters wanted to know what was happening in Reykjavík, all they had to do was look out of the window. Since it’s relocation opposite Reykjavík’s Mecca to consumerism, Kringlan Mall, analysts continue to speculate if this adage is still true.
Etiquette News
Pharmacies have reported an increase in the sale of men’s grooming products and in particular, eau d’toilette. Analysts believe this is the result of the recent opening of a stylish Italian coffeehouse. It’s also hoped that this will in turn lead to a reduction in snorting, spitting, baggy-arsed jeans and maybe the adoption of good manners, although experts have warned that evolution of this magnitude can take several generations to become apparent.
In a separate, but related item, the wearing of sunglasses indoors has forced many cafés and bars to install more lighting. This follows several complaints from some of Reykjavík’s most beautiful people that they couldn’t see who was looking at them.
Meetings News
The Icelandic Meeting Association (Hið íslenzka fundafjelag) held its daily meeting at Gamla Hótel Esja. A crowded room listened intently to various speakers and watched glazy-eyed at hours of graphs and pie charts projected from a laptop computer while drinking hours-old black coffee from Thermos flasks.
World News
Death, war, destruction, misery. But no Icelanders involved.
And Finally…
Baby animals at zoo/cute kids playing in snow/Iceland – Best í heimi.
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