What tells you more about a person: their Zodiac sign or which Avenger they most identify with? It’s always better to be overinformed, so Grapevine got busy pairing the star signs with characters from the Marvel Cinematic Universe. So…before we get started, does anyone want to get out?
Aries
You’re the intergalactic cowboy of the Zodiac, Star-Lord. When you’re not on the run from space bandits or bopping along to 80’s hits, you’re punching the purple out of genocidal warlords. At least we got one more Avengers movie out of the whole thing since it all could’ve been over then and there if you just knew how to keep your cool.
Taurus
Known for being stable, patient and uncompromising, Taurus, you’re Cap all the way. I mean, you had to wait decades to reunite with the woman of your dreams. We stan age-and era-defying love.
Gemini
You’re the empath of the Zodiac, therefore you’re the empath of the Guardians. Live your life by Mantis’ mantra, “Kick names, take ass.”
Cancer
A sign of extremes, you’re the perfect Zodiac symbol for Bruce Banner and Hulk. What’s your origin story, Cancer? Were you outbid for your favorite childhood Furby on eBay and never quite got over it?
Leo
Sorry it took half a sec to put the attention back on you, Leo. Gregarious to a fault and unwaveringly convinced that you’re the main character of, well, everything, you’re clearly Ironman. Your creativity is second to none and we applaud you for that but WOW do we wish you could shut up about your newest passion project.
Virgo
You? Analytical? Well of course, Vision, you’re a freakin’ robot.
Libra
Ah, the symbolic scales demonstrating Cliff Barton’s desire to balance his dedication to his family and his loyalty to the Avengers. Does he strike this equilibrium perfectly? Of course not. The only thing Hawkeye can strike perfectly is a bullseye and that’s more than we can say for you.
Scorpio
You’re a true friend to the ones closest to you but we’ve also heard you have a bit of a violent streak. Whether you’re more Winter Soldier or Black Widow, we can’t say—or we’re afraid to.
Sagittarius
No one can spin a yarn quite like a Sag. There’s also no one more determined to be the center of attention. That’s why you’re the Nordic saga-based hero, Thor. Few other star signs, or Avengers for that matter, are so concerned with understanding the meaning of life and their purpose in it. So go ahead, crack open that ale and tell a tale or two.
Capricorn
You’re practical, you’re disciplined, you’re condescending. You’re Dr. Strange and that’s all we have to say about that, Cap. No, not that Cap.
Aquarius
Progressive and humanitarian. It’s hard to imagine two words to better describe Aquarius or Black Panther. We’ll leave it at that. Wakanda Forever.
Pieces
The only sign so weighed down by your emotions that you would construct a whole new reality just to escape them. Dust off that 50’s era A-line dress and practice saying “yes, dear” with such sugary sweetness it makes your eyes water because you’re living Wandavision, honey.
I can do this all day.
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