Words by

Hannah Jane Cohen

Photo by

Art Bicnick

Dear Grapevine,
I am down to my last 2,000 ISK and still need to eat for the rest of the month. What do I do?

Brokeness and hunger. It’s a tale as old as time. The solutions for stretching your last buck vary, but here are some classic methods.

• Tinder It American Style: Go on Tinder and find American people that look rich. You’ll know they look rich because they usually have pictures of themselves in suits or at impressive locales. You can differentiate between rich people who travel and hippies by the appearance of white people dreadlocks or puffy pants. Now, go to dinner with them and be very charming. Americans will always pay the bill. Afterwards, fake a family emergency and run home.
• Friendly Manipulation: Start hanging out at cafés and bars that serve food. Captivate the waiters and bartenders until you’ve gained their trust. You can do this by making funny jokes and complimenting them. After you’ve imprinted yourself onto their soul, make small comments about how poor you are and watch the flood of delicious goods pile into your stomach. As Rachel Ray would say, yum-o.
• Go Political: Nothing makes a hunger strike easier than literally not being able to buy food, so pick your favourite political cause, chain yourself up to something, and watch as you become famous just because you were irresponsible with your change. We recommend protesting whaling. The liberal media eats that shit up. No pun intended.