Published November 21, 2011
A juggernaut doesn’t have to be going at 100mph to squish you flat: the inexorable push forward of a 25mph roar is going to do the job slower, and furthermore you’re going to know… all… about… IT untilyouslideunderandpop… intothewhite… BUT then somehow you come out the other end miraculously just about alive and as you stand up another song starts and though you know it’s going to get you time has turned into pukeysoup so it gets ever closer and mesmerised you just gotta stand still and let it riff riff RIFF over and through you except this time you’re ready and you welcome this spidery deathmarch insidiously pushing out the back of your eyes from the inside and the gears get ever lower and more ferocious in their offhand devilsong then you wonder what it would sound like speeded up to 45rpm and—hey presto—it’s a new Metallica album, except better than those cunts could ever dream of, the tennis-playing wazzocks. Golems were listening to this six thousand years back and planets will be in another million.
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