From Iceland — Horror-Scopes: Haiku Heavens

Horror-Scopes: Haiku Heavens

Horror-Scopes: Haiku Heavens

Published November 16, 2020

Photo by
Adobe Stock (modified by the astrologers)

The Grapevine’s dedicated team of amateur astrologists recently experienced ego death. In response, we’ve decided to tell your future through the medium of haiku.


Liking Nick Cave is
Not a substitution for


Move on from sorrow
To the world of tomorrow…


“MORE!” screamed Kylo Ren
But do we really need more?
Or just a sick blade?


Cancer, please slow down
Enter lockdown like Boris
With whimsical hair


Enjoy sunset from
An unsafe melting glacier
Not a vibe, galpal


The Goo Goo Dolls slam
Alexa, please play “Iris”
I know who I am


It’s legal to speak
It’s legal to pay money
I am a hitman


A Master’s degree
Does not make you qualified
To lead outdoor hikes


Ita Reginae
Verum Manseritis, Bitch


There is ice out there
Outside the 10/11
Make sure you don’t fall


Is this insta man
Really a glacier guide
Or just a rando?


I’m feeling real rad
Got myself a real cool bag
Not tryin’ to brag

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