“Where are my dirty, horny women!?!” a tanned and muscular man wearing only a black G-string, shoes and a collar shouted into a microphone, resulting in treble screaming, shaking bodies and wine glasses flying through the air.
The noise didn’t diminish when he continued by telling the girls in the audience they were all virgins again for the night. With no husbands, boyfriends or fiancés, they were told they were also all very single and about to witness something they had never seen before. Getting the crowd ready for a night of contentment and satisfaction he yelled out: “Let’s open your hearts, minds and souls for the Chippendales!”
Yup, the world-famous male strippers Chippendales visited Iceland for the first time last week and performed to a full house at Broadway. In the local media the performance was advertised as being better than sex. Seeing the “studs” in their flimsy attire was said to be the girls’ World Cup, an opportunity of a lifetime to see the most perfect men in the world strip down and dance around for your pleasure only. The girls could even take part in the dirty fun themselves.
Like many young women in Reykjavík, I decided that this was something I just had to see for myself.
‘Oh man, what did I get myself into?’ was my first thought when I tried to find a good spot inside the packed venue where about 1,000 women of all ages, who were all amazingly well-dressed and gorgeous, had nestled into their seats, queued by the bar or standing on chairs to get a better view of the all-male revue just starting. Many had attended for a friend’s birthday or bachelorette party. With the exception of a couple of guys in the audience this was a girls’ night out.
Sex wasn’t the first thing that came into my mind though as the show went on. This night was more hilarious than I could ever have expected, and the term “sexy” wouldn’t exactly describe what I was about to witness.
After a very long intro in which one guy bounced around in his underwear trying to warm up the crowd before the real deal, the show started with a man wearing a suit walking onto the stage. He was introduced as a normal guy who had just arrived home after a long day at the office. As expected after a difficult workday, he climbed on top of the desk, took his clothes off nice and slow and, with his hand in the crotch of his pants, started humping the air while blasting techno music. As he covered his dick with a towel, the audience started screaming for more. He turned his naked ass to the crowd, picked up his clothes and ran off the stage again.
It is hard to pinpoint what act was the most hilarious, but when a guy wearing pink satin pyjamas started simulating a sex act with a bed while his partner was pouring candle wax on his chest I thought I would choke on my drink.
Better yet was when the whole group came out wearing white military uniforms singing “I can be your hero baby” while walking around and throwing their clothes on the floor, finishing the act standing in boxers with the American flag. None of them could even keep up the rhythm in the very simple choreography, but that made the whole event even more absurd. It was like witnessing an ill-rehearsed boy band miming some of the worst songs ever recorded while stripping down to their thongs and squeezing their buttocks. Incredible.
As mentioned above, the audience got the opportunity to participate in the show and they didn’t have to ask the girls twice. Scrambling for a time in the spotlight, the girls rushed on stage for the joy of grabbing some bums and stroking sweaty abs, ready to party hard with the Chippendales – who weren’t afraid to grope their breasts.
One moment that summed up the evening was when the Chippendales started their search for the horniest table in the house while begging the women to take some Chippendales back to their homes after the show. At that point, the audience went insane and everyone was in for it, trying to sound hornier than the next group. I even spotted some women in their sixties standing on chairs slightly hysterical and applauding loudly when the guys walked out into the audience to make better contact with the ladies, and of course earn some tips.
As can be expected, the Chippendales’ arrival in Iceland has been the talk of town and not all are satisfied with this kind of amusement. Some find it humiliating, disgusting and are shocked at girls who want to pay to see this kind of disastrous entertainment where the male body is merchandised into a play toy for women. I’m not going to debate that issue. The only thing I have to say about it after seeing the show is that I at least didn’t find it humiliating for anyone. Women are diverse and while some girls in the crowd found the greased men to be the hottest thing on the planet, others were just in it for a laugh, and those who don’t like seeing stripping guys just didn’t attend that night. Watching their goofy moves and judging by the feedback I think the majority in the audience was laughing at them and the whole idea instead of being crazily turned on by the show.
The guys seemed to be enjoying themselves pretty well on stage as well as when mingling with locals at Sirkus attending the Mínus concert the next night (wearing clothes). I don’t see the harm in that.
Aside from the fact that many detest these kinds of women-aimed strip shows, it was a memorable night for those attending. I’m not the least bit ashamed to admit that I had a great time and can now understand pretty well the reason for the Chippendales’ longevity. Entertaining millions of women worldwide every year, the show was never boring, even though the guys never got naked, and I never saw a sour face in the crowd. Watching guys wriggle in their G-strings, socks and shoes is just indescribable fun, although they will never be my idea of sexy. Rather than describing it as a peep show, it was an entertaining and ludicrous Broadway comedy with awkward dancing and terrible music, where sweaty and flexible grown-up guys are the stars. Nothing more and nothing less.
After standing on a chair for almost three hours, I left Broadway when the now extremely frisky audience got the chance to take their picture with the group. Some women couldn’t get enough of their muscular and sweaty bodies at that time (maybe the trips to the bar had something to do with that). Whether the Chippendales left home alone that night is hard to say but they undoubtedly sent a group of horny and tipsy women out into the night.