From Iceland — Sour Grapes & Stuff: Issue 7, 2013

Sour Grapes & Stuff: Issue 7, 2013

Published June 7, 2013

Sour Grapes & Stuff: Issue 7, 2013

Waiting for your urgent response.
With due respect to your person and much sincerity of purpose I make this contact with you as I believe that you can be of great assistance to me. My name is Mr.Mike Ouedrago, from Ouagadougou Republic of BURKINA FASO, West Africa.
Presently i work in the Bank as telex manager. I have been searching for your contact since you left our country some years ago .I do not know whether this is your correct email address or not because I only used your name initials to search for your contact in the internet .In case you are not the person I am supposed to contact , please see this as a confidential message and do not reveal it to another person but if you are not the intended receiver, do let me know whether you can be of assistance regarding my proposal below because it is top secret.
I am about to retire from active Bank service to start a new life but I am sceptical to reveal this particular secret to a stranger. You must assure me that everything will be handled confidentially because we are not going to suffer again in life.
It has been 10 years now that most of the greedy African Politicians used our bank to launder money overseas through the help of their Political advisers. Most of the funds which they transferred out of the shores of Africa was gold and oil money that was supposed to have been used to develop the continent
Their Political advisers always inflated the amounts before transfer to foreign accounts so I also used the opportunity to divert part of the funds hence I am aware that there is no official trace of how much was transferred as all the accounts used for such transfers were being closed after transfer.
I acted as the Bank Officer to most of the politicians and when I discovered that they were using me to succeed in their greedy act, I also cleaned some of their banking records from the Bank files and no one cared to ask me because the money was too much for them to control. They laundered over $300,000,000,00(Three hundred million) united states Dollars during the process .As I am sending this message to you, I was able to divert more than Ten million five hundred thousand Dollars ($10.5m) to an escrow account belonging to no one in the bank. The bank is anxious now to know who is the beneficiary to the funds because they have made a lot of profits with the funds.
It is more than Eight years now and most of the politicians are no longer using our bank to transfer funds overseas. The Ten Million five Hundred Thousand Dollars ($10.5m) has been laying waste but I don’t want to retire from the bank without transferring the funds to a foreign account to enable me share the proceeds with the receiver. The money will be shared 60% for me and 40% for you.
There is no one coming to ask you about the funds because I secured everything. I only want you to assist me by providing a bank account where the funds can be transferred. You are not to face any difficulties or legal implications as I am going to handle the transfer personally. If you are capable of receiving the funds, do let me know immediately to enable me give you a detailed information on what to do.
For me, I have not stolen the money from anyone because the other people that took the whole money did not face any problems. This is my chance also to grab my own but you must keep the details of the funds secret to avoid leakages as no one in the bank knows about the funds.
Please supply me the following:
Your current contact address and Telephone Numbers..
I shall intimate you on what to do when I get your confirmation and acceptance.
If you are capable of being my trusted associate, do declare your consent to me.
Waiting for your urgent response.
TO my email address
Yours Faithfully,
Mr.Mike Ouedrago

Grapevine Issue 4, July 25, 2003:
Dear Friend,
I, on behalf of my colleagues from different Federal Government of Nigeria owned parastatals decided to solicit your assistance as regards transfer of US$41,500,000.00 into your bank account.
These funds emanated from unclaimed contractual proceeds of foreign contracting firms who could not meet their financial obligations to their  creditors.
We, as holders of sensitive positions in our various parastatals, were mandated by the Federal Government to scrutinise all payments made to certain foreign contractors and we discovered that some of the contractors have not been paid their contractual entitlement which collectively left the sum of US$46,500,000.00 lying in a suspended Account.
However, from our investigations, we discovered that the foreign beneficiary companies have since been liquidated, and to all intents and purposes no longer exist in Nigeria, thus providing us with this opportunity, provided that we have a capable partner, to execute a transaction of this  nature.
We agreed that the said amount would be transferred into an overseas Bank Account to be provided by a reliable foreign associate. This is because as serving Government workers the Civil Service Code does not allow us to operate foreign Account. We require a partner that is capable of rendering assistance and cooperation in executing this matter. We therefore offer the amount of 20% of the entire sum in return for services/assistance rendered in successfully carrying out this project. We trust that you appreciate the sensitive nature of this matter and the need for initial caution on our part.
Please treat with the strictest confidentiality and expediency
Yours faithfully,
Dr.Sam Obi
Dear sirs,
Let us tell you both again what we told you on this matter TEN YEARS AGO:
We refer all international money launderers/drug traffickers/arms smugglers to our advertising department.  We accept cash, opiates and/or weapons grade plutonium as payment.
They Reykjavík Grapevine
PS. Thanks for your loyal readership, Dr.Sam Obi and Mr.Mike Ouedrago, if those are your real names!!!

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