Words by

Nanna Árnadóttir

@nannaarnadottir

Photo by

RMM

Dear Nanna,

I hooked up with this really nice guy at Sónar last weekend. Anyway, we were both pretty drunk and a bit careless and I’m not sure we used protection. I’m pretty sure… but not sure sure. Should I call him about it? I don’t think I have anything so if anything it would come from him.

Thanks,

Not-Sure-Sure

Dear Not-Sure-Sure,

Last time I checked “I don’t think I have anything” was a concrete medical diagnosis for nothing whatsoever. But you know what, you’re probably right, you’re fine, best just to ignore it. It’s not like Icelanders are riddled with chlamydia or anything.

Nanna

Dear Nanna,

I really loved the Grapevine’s Sónar coverage this year and have done some music journalism in Bristol where I’m from. How do I go about getting a job writing for the Grapevine next year?

B.

Dear B,

Well there are two options. You could reach out to the Grapevine’s Editorial Team via email and pitch yourself and your work, or you could do what I did and just stare intensely while moving your eyebrows until the editor offers you a job.

It works!

Best,

Nanna’s Eyebrows

Dear Nanna, 

First off, I’m not homophobic and I have nothing at all against gay marriage. When I was at Sónar last weekend though I saw this really camp guy – I won’t say at which concert – wearing make up, some women’s clothes and I get that this is a music festival and we’re all here to have a good time, but is it really too much to ask that men display some masculinity while they’re out in public?

Sorrí Not Sorrí

Dear Sorrí Not Sorrí,

I can tell by reading your mail that you are a super tolerant guy. A champion, if you will, of LGBTQ rights. After all, you have nothing at all against gay marriage.

If you don’t ensure other people’s genitalia directly reflects whatever you have imagined their gender to actually be, then who will?

It’s not like you’re asking for much, just to dictate the decisions made by an adult stranger so you can sway to electronica music without feeling confused and old.

My advice to you is to enrol in the Gender Police Academy. There you will get the training necessary to live your life on Expert Level and complete your certification in Cares Too Much.

Nanna

Got a question for me about Iceland or need some bad life advice? Use the hashtag #DontAskNanna, tweet me on @NannaArnadottir or email nanna.arnadottir(at)gmail.com and you might get an answer next Friday or not, whatever, I’m pretty busy eating pizza and massaging my cat’s butt