Jón Gnarr on why Icelanders are so great at everything
Icelanders are, in general, better and more competent persons than most of the people who reside in other countries. This can mostly be attributed to the clean food we enjoy here. The pork and Corn Flakes we buy in Bónus are free from the taint and toxoplasmosis that besieges foreigners, and which, to an extent, explains their odd behaviour.
There is no place in the world better to live than Iceland. Nowhere has as beautiful summers; nowhere has as pure and clear water. You can really tell who drinks Icelandic water!
The Icelandic pylsa is world renowned, along with the Icelandic kleina and the Icelandic cocktail sauce. All of this is, of course, thanks to the Icelandic sheep.
Who was it that invented the Icelandic wool sweater, the famous “lopapeysa”? Was it not Christian Icelanders? “If thee feast on the sheep and adhere to Christian values, thy lives will be filled with happiness,” say the ancient proverbs. Those words ring true, even today. The Icelandic sheep is a true lamb of god. We wear it on the outside, and we carry it within.
When we stuff our faces with a genuine Icelandic pylsa, we are not just ingesting pork-, cattle- and sheep meat, potato starch, soy proteins, salt, glucose, spices, flavouring agents, onion powder, acidity regulator, rancidity protection substance and preservatives that ensure long lives—we are swallowing values.
The most important value is that of The Child’s Faith. It teaches us to not overthink things, rather to believe whatever makes us feel good. Because, then, everything will be alright and the Danish pylsa and remoulade meld with a sun-soaked creek somewhere out in the countryside and gain an eternal place within the soul.
I choose Icelandic vegetables and a piece of the Icelandic swine, which is the third most magnificent life form in Iceland, after ourselves, and the sheep.
I choose it not because I like it. It makes me feel good because I know where it comes from.
God bless Iceland.
Jón Gnarr used to be Mayor of Reykjavík. He is currently not mayor of anywhere.