I got a bad cold and my nose is running almost non-stop. Knowing that Icelanders consider it rude to use tissues in public (why the hell? No Icelander could answer that) and my brain is all filled up by yellow snot, following the Icelandic habit of sucking it all up there, I dunno what to do with the rest? Run out in middle of conversations to blow it, simply let it float, or use my coat sleeve as tissue supplement?
Grateful for advice,
Dear Red-Nosed Paindeer,
First, why is it rude to blow your nose in public in Iceland? All things that are in or on your body are disgusting once they leave your person, not just snot. Look at hair, for example. I like my hair, I might even love it, but as soon as there is a strand or twenty populating the shower drain and I have to fish it out so it doesn’t block the pipes, hair becomes hands down the grossest thing in the world. The same goes for snot, piss, poop, sweat and blood. Even genital secretions are fine as long as consenting adults view them in private, but the public doesn’t want to see that expelled from you… pervert!
Here’s my advice, let the snot just drip, flood your chin until you disgust everyone around you and get sent home. Then get better sicko! And don’t go outside again until fluids have stopped gushing out of you.
I hope you don’t die of the flu,
I’m a student and I’m really struggling with the kreppa, student loans aren’t getting me far and I’m already living as cheaply as I can. I started dumpster diving for food recently, which is a lot easier given how cold Iceland is, it really helps keep the food from going off in the trash. But even so I need more ways to save money. Any tips?
Hi Pinching Pennies,
Listen you have no one to blame but yourself for your poverty. You aren’t homeless (that I know of), and you are eating, so why are you complaining? What you need to do is to look towards some of Iceland’s greatest economic role models for inspiration. People like the Icelandic “útrásavíkingar” who worked tirelessly with legally above-board business ventures. They contributed something of value to the world in order to bring our country the glamorous spoils that are a byproduct of sound investments. Monuments like the phallic Smáralind and cars like the Hummer. Frankly I’m perturbed that you are getting any financial aid from the government at all to further your education. Are my taxes paying for this? It’s not my responsibility to pay for your luxurious student life style.
Why don’t you get a job, mooch!
I’m in Iceland for another day and a half. What is the funniest non-touristy thing to do in Reykjavík?
Done With Touristy Stuff
Dear Done With Touristy Stuff,
I guess, since I’m not a tourist I can just tell you what I would do for fun on a day off. First I would kill a whale with my bare hands, then start the next Icelandic indie band sensation in my parent’s basement and make millions, and then to finish off the day I’d give 12 really well hung elves blowjobs.
Who should I vote for in the upcoming Presidential election?
Dear Worried Voter,
I find that when you are in doubt you should always vote for the person whom you are most interested in having sex with. I think we both know that with that strategy sexy bad boy, S. Valentínus Vagnsson, AKA the 72-year-old who tried to blow up parliament because he couldn’t find the prime minister’s house, has got this baby in the bag. I know that people are saying that the intelligent, well-rounded and feminist powerhouse Þóra Arnórsdóttir is a shoe-in, but I say she’s too obvious. Why try to bring a fresh perspective and balance to the presidential post when we could watch Valentínus’ explosive shenanigans.
He’s the Bomb! Vote Valentínus!