In the ‘War Of The Nerds’ column, we usually dive into a of sordid tale of drama involving a specific nerdy community within the country. Theft, tears, copyright infringement—we run the gamut of dweebish problems. This time though, we’re venturing into new territory and just talking about nerds playing war. So join us as we fly on a battle bus with a man named Ninja into a world of loot and skins—skins that are incidentally now available with the Icelandic flag on it.
Army of nine-year-olds
If you don’t know what Fortnite: Battle Royale is, you’re clearly old, lame, or childless. If you do know what Fortnite is but don’t play it, you’re clearly a loser or like weirdly into Pewdiepie. Basically it’s ’The Hunger Games’ with more dancing and construction. You get dropped into a world and must fight to the death along with a ton of nine year olds and antisocial middle aged men. In between the gunfire, you can play music and spend your parents’ money on fancy skins (which, for plebs, means outfits). That’s it.
The one glaring problem in the game to date is that there was no way to express your Icelandic pride. Fortnite Twitch stars worldwide lamented this profound difficulty. “Why can my player do the floss dance but not yell ‘ÁFRAM ÍSLAND’?” they cried over their keyboards.
Yes, while Fortnite skins encompass everything from “The Nutcracker” to Care Bears, there was nothing Iceland themed. It was no doubt due to racism. That said, the Nutcracker costume is bullshit, as the head is so massive you can’t even hide in a bush, and at the Grapevine, we are shit at Fortnite, so hiding in bushes is the only chance we have at winning.
Luckily, the old Gods shone their smiting powers down onto the game developers and, in honour of the World Cup, you can now get an Iceland Football Jersey Fortnite skin! This means you can destroy the self esteem of children while repping Aron Gunnarsson. What a time to live, right? HÚH!