Published August 5, 2016
What’s up with these Icelandic lullabies? They are creepy as fuck, my mother-in-law translated one that she was singing for my baby the other day and honestly it does not seem child-appropriate. Something about a mother drowning a baby before eloping? Can I get my mother-in-law to stop or should I just let it slide?
Hey Helicopter Mom?
It’s important for a child to develop a healthy sense of fear of their parents and the power they hold over their life, as well as a wariness of the devastatingly cruel world they’ve been born into.
I think you should thank your mother-in-law for teaching your loinfruit about how the world works, and anyway, you can use it as a weapon later.
See your kid about to do something you don’t approve of? Just hum a few notes, raise your brow, allow their minds to wander to the image of a mother murdering her own child before jetting off to make sweet sweet renegade love. It’s good that they know they are a burden and that they live at your mercy.
My son BROKE my Iceland souvenir mug! It was my favourite and it had an Eyjafjallajökull pun on it, anyway, I’m so sad! Do you know if I can get another one? How should I punish him?
Hi Broken Mug,
THROW THE CHILD INTO EYJAFJALLAJÖKULL AND SING SOFÐU UNGA ÁSTIN MÍN AS HIS LIMP BODY LAYS IN THE MOLTEN CRATER!
p.s – maybe this’ll work?
I’m an American working in imports and exports, I’d like to import Icelandic sheepskins to the U.S. Do you have any contacts that might be helpful or perhaps know of any suppliers I can reach out to?
Dear Vanderlay Industries, sorry, “Ewing,”
I mean, I could probably find this out for you, but that would require effort and caring, and I’m fresh out of fucks to give Art!