Published January 26, 2009

Dear Geir:

Our relationship, I’m afraid to say, has run its course. I guess I’m partially to blame. Maybe I should have gotten to know you better before I asked you to move in. But you’re the type I’ve always dated, and you seemed like the safe choice, even if not particularly exciting.

It wasn’t long after you moved in, though, that I started to regret it. You rearranged the furniture without asking me, and even sold a number of pieces off to your friends. I wasn’t happy, as you know, but you assured me it would make the place more livable. Sure, I thought, let’s give it a try. But then the housekeeping got out of control. It seemed like I was perpetually cleaning up after you. And then the utility bills came.

Good Lord, Geir. These bills are through the roof. It’ll be years before I manage to pay them off, and it looks like I’m going to have to take out a pretty hefty loan just to put a dent in them. Imagine my surprise when I read my bank statement and found out I’m broke. All my savings, gone. Where did all that money go, anyway? What were you thinking? That I wouldn’t notice? Yeah, I know – it’s not your fault, you said. It’s never your fault though, is it? It’d be nice if you’d own up to your mistakes.

You should know my friends think I’m nuts to have stayed with you this long. I know they all laugh at me behind my back. They think I’m some kind of pushover who’ll put up with pretty much anything. Well, I’m not a pushover. I’m ending this, Geir. I’m sorry. You’re a nice guy and all, but it’s just not working. I realize that now. It’s not me; it’s you. Maybe some time later on – much, much later on – we can hang out or whatever. But I think it’s best for both of us if you move out. Today. This afternoon, actually. Just leave your key under the mat.

I wish you the best of luck. And I hope some day you can look back on this and learn from it. I hope you learn something about trust when it comes to relationships.

Respectfully,
Guðrún
—
Dear Guðrún:

First of all, thanks for letting me know how you feel. I honestly had no idea. And I respect what you have to say. But I don’t think now is the time for us to break up.

I know the situation with the bills looks pretty bleak. But really, who else can take care of them? We’ve been living together for over a year now. I think that qualifies me to know what’s best for our home, don’t you? I mean, who else is going to replace me?

No, only I can be your boyfriend. If you think about it, you’d actually be worse off without me. Let’s be reasonable. Let’s give this a few years. Then sure, we can talk about the possibility of maybe breaking up. But for now I think we should, no, MUST stay together. Therefore I must respectfully decline your request to end our relationship. Once you’ve calmed down, I know you’ll see I’m right.

Hugs and Kisses,

Geir
—
Geir:

What on earth are you talking about? Did you read a word I said? It’s over. Are you forgetting who’s name is on the lease?
Seriously, pack your things. There’s nothing else to discuss here.

Let me put it this way: if you’re not gone by the end of the afternoon, I will physically remove you from the premises. Don’t make this get ugly.

Guðrún
—
Guðrún:

Come on. We were made for each other. Just think it over.

Please, listen: you’ll never have another boyfriend like me. Who understands you as well as I do? You complete me.

OK, I see you’re standing out on the street throwing eggs at the window. You’ve gotten your friends chanting slogans at me. Wow, real mature there. Way to go. I hope you’re proud of yourself. Is this the way grown-ups work out their differences?

You know what? I don’t need this. I’m outta here. But just remember that this was YOUR fault. You drove me away. Don’t come crying to me when you can’t stand life without me. I know you’ll never forget me. And you know it, too.

So I wasn’t that great with the housekeeping. So the bills got an eensy bit out of control. Is that really my fault? Come on.
Yours always,

Geir
PS: Seriously, though, call me whenever. I expect to be single for a long time.