Words by

Charlie Winters

Photo by

The Reykjavík Grapevine

Hello there! I hope your New Year’s resolutions are just as lofty as mine. But if you need a little help with yours, Charlie is here to take care of you.  

Seeking advice about the future? Problems with lovers? Just have something you need to get off your chest? Call Charlie!  

James asks: Who is the most popular of the Yule Lads

I think the answer has to be Kertasníkir or CandleSnatcher.

1. He brings the best gifts cause he’s the last.
2. His major threat to society is eating candles.
3. He’s a downright absolute handsome sensual cutie patootie. Just imagine: he waltzes in when all his brothers have left. He sets the mood with soft music and all the candles he’s stolen. He slow feeds you strawberries dipped in wax.

Yeah… it’s defo Kertasníkir.  

Joe asks (in a private DM): Where are the best cruising spots in Iceland?  

For those unaware, cruising refers to places gay men can cruise by to hookup. And as an amateur cruiser myself, I am sworn to secrecy. What I can tell you is places that SHOULD be cruising spots.

1. Skeifan Hagkaup bathrooms (Diego gets to watch.)
2. Duty Free at the KEF Airport (More like Booty Free)
3. Crawlspace of the Grapevine offices (I’ve done it there a few times.)
4. Your mother’s house (I am very mature.)
5. The lookout tower at Húsdýragarðurinn (The chickens get to watch.) 

Kolbeinn asks: What is Bjarni Ben doing now? 

I still see him in my dreams, you know. In those states of sleep-filled delirium, I see us together. We’re cuddled up in a small Audi overlooking the beautiful Grótta lighthouse. His rough scandal-ridden hands clasp mine. I turn to meet his gaze, but he cannot look me in the face. Tears forming in his eyes he asks “Charlie, was I one of the good ones?”  

“Bjarni Benjamín,” I say, my delicate fingers trailing his brick-shaped head, “If you have to ask, you know the answer…”. My love turns to me, mascara running down his face. 

“Bjenni minn,” I say, and we cry until the next sunrise, which is in 36 hours. 

… 

Um… what was the question? What’s he doin’ now? Uuuh, he was in that James Corden Carpool Karaoke ripoff with the mayor of Reykjavík sometime in November. That’s all I remember. I think I need some air.  

Well, someone’s got to give advice, and it might as well be me. I mean I’m used to giving advice as part of my work, and it’s always difficult when a group of new people ask questions for the first time, so I’m perfectly prepared to answer as best I can. I mean I have absolutely no idea what we’re doing here or what this newspaper is, but I am determined to enjoy myself! And oh my, this soup’s delicious! 

If you have any burning, yearning, churning questions, keep an eye out on the Grapevine Facebook and Instagram pages for our Q&A. 

Bless bless 

Charlie