Words by

Freyr Thorvaldsson

Photo by

Stock Photo

Get down to business this holiday season

Occasionally, as we’re waiting for the driver to bring the car round, we run into our reading public. While these meetings are on the whole deeply unpleasant, they’ve given us a lot to think about. Poverty is a terrible social ill. In an effort to improve your lot, we’ve commissioned Freyr Thorvaldsson, our business contributor, to supply you with another Free Business Idea. If only one of you makes it big, it will have been worth it. 

If A Christmas Carol taught us anything then it’s this: the Spirit of Christmas is all about getting rid of money. This is the time of large purchases, frittered Christmas bonuses, maxed out credit cards. We walk around in a heightened, manic state: children sprawled in shopping carts paw at passing wares; parents shake with holiday stress and ugly cry in office bathrooms; toy stores fill with grandparents squinting at incomprehensible new products: lalawhat?  

Ah, Christmas. Never are we as fat and pampered; stressed and harried; empty yet contented. Most importantly: never are we as economically active. And where does all this money go? To Christmas’s natural predator: plucky businessmen and women. Our best people. This should perk you right up, scruffy reader, for I’m about to equip you to join their ranks with a few case studies.  

Foot massage mania 

In 1982, the formula for Christmas crazes was cracked: Radíóbúðin (“the radio store”) began importing foot massage devices. In the lead-up to Christmas, they advertised them on television virtually non-stop. When the dust had settled 14,000 of the things had been sold to a population of 233,000. 

Across this island, people ripped open their Christmas presents. They were faced with the foot massage device they’d all seen on TV. “Just what I wanted,” they’d say, smiling a knowing smile. A few moments later their partner would open their Christmas present: a foot massage device. Together, these happy couples could dip their tired feet in the machine, while they watched Dallas on the television. This was surely the height of material comfort and luxury. Sore feet were pampered. Fungal diseases celebrated. All was well. 

Soon, however, dragging the thing out of storage and pouring the water in began to seem like a chore, not a luxury. It would not be long until the foot massage machine occupied the cupboard, the closet, or the garage, more or less permanently, never to be graced by tired feet again. By that point the money was safely in the bank. 

Of Iittala and air fryers 

Would-be moguls should take careful note. The foot massage machine craze is a perfect illustration of the faddishness of Icelanders, it showed how easily we could be parted from our hard-earned cash, so long as everyone else is doing it.  

Which brings us to Iittala, a Finnish design brand. Icelanders can’t get enough of their glassware, seeing in it something godly. You can tell when an Icelander owns Iittala because they leave the brand’s red sticker on the glass. The Iittala craze reached its crescendo when, over a few Christmases in the late 2010s, as if possessed by Finnish lake gods, we all gave it to each other. No one wanted to be caught without it. A humanitarian cry went out across the land: Iittala candle holders for every man, woman and child! The plea was answered. Iitalla importers bought a second Spanish villa. 

Then air fryers came down like the wolves on the fold. At Reykjavík harbour they had worked desperately to crane the containers, bursting with fresh air fryers from the Orient, ashore in time for Christmas 2021. While this was a worldwide trend, the demand was exemplary in Iceland. There used to be a time in this country where we boiled everything. Cooking fat, such as butter, was scarce. The air fryers slotted into this deep and ancient Icelandic need for fatless cooking.  

Harnessing a trend 

The truth is that making a trend is hard but profitable work. Maybe we are past the Age of Innocence when foot massagers could be sold in their thousands on TV and newspaper ads alone. We are now a leaf in the winds of global enthusiasm. What all this means is that your job is to anticipate global trends, push and aggravate them. Do it well and you will reap just rewards: Money, Power, Glory. 

Freyr Thorvaldsson also writes a newsletter at freyr.substack.com