Smite The World: Iceland To Obliterate Argentina, Croatia And Nigeria

Lionel Messi has already booked a full year’s worth of sessions with a top shrink after his side drew Iceland in World Cup Group D. At first glance, it seems that Iceland’s group – comprised of Argentina, Croatia and Nigeria – is one of the strongest, despite several traditional big hitters like Italy and The Netherlands failing to qualify. Nevertheless, making their first World Cup appearance and being the smallest country every to do so, strákarnir okkar will be looking to take several scalps (both literal and metaphorical) in their Russian crusade next year.

RUMOUR: Lionel Messi is literally getting messy, tears rolling down his cheeks, wailing, refusing to leave his bedroom, threatening to retire again, punching his pillows, mascara everywhere. That’s right: #ARG have drawn #ISL in the #WorldCupDraw. #IcelandSmites #SmiteTheWorld

— Reykjavík Grapevine (@rvkgrapevine) December 1, 2017

While Cristiano Ronaldo’s tears may be spared this time around, Iceland can now turn our attention to the greatest player of all time, who has one five Ballon D’Or’s, instead of Ronaldo’s miserly four. Lionel Messi’s Argentina only made it to the World Cup by the skin of their teeth, securing qualification with a 3-1 victory against Ecuador, thanks to a hat-trick from the little magician. Though his talent is often referred to as otherworldly, Messi cannot, like Aron Gunnarsson, summon the terrifying hellfire of the Norse Gods at will. His fate is already written for the match, to be held at the Spartak Stadium on Saturday 16th June at 2pm GMT.

Haha, good one @iceblah. #ISL are in a “group of death”….. for #NIG, #ARG and #CRO, anyway. #IcelandSmites #SmiteTheWorld #WorldCupDraw.

— Reykjavík Grapevine (@rvkgrapevine) December 1, 2017

The second game will be against three-time Africa Cup of Nations Champions, Nigeria, at the Volgograd Arena at 4pm GMT on Friday 22nd June. The Super Eagles are reportedly still sore after suffering an inevitable 3-0 pounding from Iceland in a 1981 unfriendly.

Oh #CRO, how many ways can we find to smite thee?
– Dragons
– Magic
– Elf curse
– Terrifying goal rampage
– Inhumane midfield thrashing
– Long throw knocks goalie’s head off
– More to be discovered#ISL #CRO #WorldCupDraw

— Reykjavík Grapevine (@rvkgrapevine) December 1, 2017

The final fixture will be played out on Tuesday 26th June at the Rostov Arena against Croatia, who have already been roundly thrashed by Heimir’s men during the qualification stage. Iceland’s gargantuan two-point lead in the qualifying group meant the Croats had to go into the play-offs, squeaking through against a feeble Greece team 4-1 on aggregate. By the time Iceland meets Croatia in Russia, though, we’ll already be through as group winners, and will likely use the opportunity to blood a second string eleven of warriors-in-training.

With seven and a half months still to wait until Iceland cast Argentina, Nigeria and Croatia asunder, however, you can get your #ISL support started today by buying the certified dragon-proof #IcelandSmites T-Shirt from the Grapevine store.