As The Smiting Happened: Puny Ukraine Crushed By Icelandic Einherjar

Yesterday, oh yesterday, why have you left us?

It was one of those days that started by being woken up by a gentle kiss from the sweet, sweet autumn sun, and a cup of coffee chosen by Goldielocks herself–not too hot, not too cold, but just right. And it ended with you bare chested, standing on the hood of an Ukranian LuAZ-969M Volyn, beating a sheep skin drum ‘húhing’ at the sky.

The Icelandic national football team took another huge step on its way to the 2018 World Cup in Russia by beating Ukraine at home 2-0. It was another day of glory (we are getting quite used to those) and another day of foes at our feet. Meanwhile, Croatia surrendered meekly to the Turks just as they had done in the Battle of Krbava Field in 1493, which means that Iceland is currently tied with Croatia for first place.

The Grapevine was as always handing out smites left and right on Twitter and below you can watch the drama unfold with our favourite tweets.

Tuesday is one of #ISL's favourite seven days to CRUSH THE #UKR TEAM INTO A WEIRD WET PASTE THEN KICK IT INTO THE SEA. #JustSayin #ISLUKR

— Reykjavík Grapevine (@rvkgrapevine) September 5, 2017

IT IS A FOREGONE CONCLUSION THAT #ISL WILL PREVAIL, THEN WIN THE WORLD CUP. IT WAS SEEN IN CHICKEN ENTRAILS EARLIER BY MAGGA THE ODD WITCH. https://t.co/tKnzUEtJXP

— Reykjavík Grapevine (@rvkgrapevine) September 5, 2017

#UKR has twice won #Eurovision. #ISL will tonight plunder both crowns & sweep them down like a terrible scythe of immeasurable fury. #ISLUKR

— Reykjavík Grapevine (@rvkgrapevine) September 5, 2017

RUMOUR: The #ISL manager has summoned a fearsome fleet of seven million flesh-eating locusts and will release them upon #UKR if required.

— Reykjavík Grapevine (@rvkgrapevine) September 5, 2017

No, he was savaged by one of Óðinn's fierce ravens then fled the in mortal terror. But we forgive him, #SmiteLife isn't for everyone. https://t.co/3TOVFlmjG9

— Reykjavík Grapevine (@rvkgrapevine) September 5, 2017

#UKR leave the dressing room & a shiver passes through the team. Life feels different north of the wall. A dour foreboding sets in. #ISLUKR pic.twitter.com/MSsyS4Efnu

— Reykjavík Grapevine (@rvkgrapevine) September 5, 2017

#ISL are in oceanic blue like a harbinger of a forthcoming devastating tempest. #UKR are in canary yellow like… canaries. #ISLUKR

— Reykjavík Grapevine (@rvkgrapevine) September 5, 2017

#UKR meander around cluelessly like tiny lost birds in a deep fog. #ISL await the time to strike, poised like the sword of Damocles. #ISLUKR

— Reykjavík Grapevine (@rvkgrapevine) September 5, 2017

The flailing wing of a #UKR canary catches Gylfi Thunderfoot in his heroic face. He's marked for destruction by godly lightning obvs #ISLUKR

— Reykjavík Grapevine (@rvkgrapevine) September 5, 2017

A harmless #UKR shot is picked up by the glacial wind & cast into oblivion. Strange clouds gather over the #ISL stadium. Something is afoot.

— Reykjavík Grapevine (@rvkgrapevine) September 5, 2017

#ISL hordemaster Heimir rises to his feet in the dugout, staring at the #UKR opposition in a berserk rage, all like: pic.twitter.com/I9DnSA7NDA

— Reykjavík Grapevine (@rvkgrapevine) September 5, 2017

DESHFDSHGDSFVFDXGFDXNGFDJBVDNBFDNDBV DNBDVNBDV

GYLFI STRIKES! THE MATCH IS YOUNG AND FULL OF TERRORS

1-0#ISLUKR #ICELANDSMITES

— Reykjavík Grapevine (@rvkgrapevine) September 5, 2017

FACT: Magnússon is literally the blondest boy alive. #ISLUKR #IcelandSmites

— Reykjavík Grapevine (@rvkgrapevine) September 5, 2017

YEEEEEEESSSSSSSS

THE SILVER FOOTED LIGHTNING MANGOD GYLFI THUNDERFOOT STRIKES TWICE

2-0#ISL WORLD CUP CONQUEST ON TRACK #ISLUKR

— Reykjavík Grapevine (@rvkgrapevine) September 5, 2017

Sigurðarsson's header narrowly misses the goal, flying from the stadium and taking out an apartment block near the #Laugardalshöll. #ISLUKR

— Reykjavík Grapevine (@rvkgrapevine) September 5, 2017

The #UKR team scatter like so many yellow autumn leaves under the fearsome, freezing, never-ending tempest of hurricane #ISL. #ISLUKR

— Reykjavík Grapevine (@rvkgrapevine) September 5, 2017

THREE MINUTES TO #FINISHTHEM. #IcelandSmites #IcelandWorldCupWinners2018 #Destiny #Entrails #WrittenInEntrails

— Reykjavík Grapevine (@rvkgrapevine) September 5, 2017

#ISL continue to march towards their #InevitableIcelandWorldCupWinningDestiny after handily smiting hard the hapless #UKR #WrittenInEntrails

— Reykjavík Grapevine (@rvkgrapevine) September 5, 2017