Well, You Asked: Marrying Famous People

In real life, no one asks us for advice. Luckily, we work at a hip magazine too.

How do I get a famous person to like me?

Girl—I wish I knew. I’m currently in a fruitless battle to get Blind Channel, the best Finnish Eurovision band since Lordi, to acknowledge my existence via a cavalcade of Instagram tags and messages. So far it’s not working and my middle finger is rapidly going down. Genuinely, I’m considering leaving the dark side and becoming a Måneskin stan. Dark times, anon.

But for real, obviously, it’s best if you’re already famous, as famous people (with the notable exception of Matt Damon) tend to only date other famous people. But if you’re not famous, the other best option is to be extremely rich. Famous people tend to thrive on yachts, so if you can pick up a few of them, that might get you in line. Failing that, you could get extremely beautiful and then slide into their DMs.

That said—considering you’ve reached out to a small, poor Icelandic magazine for advice, we’d say you’ve got as much chance of marrying a famous person as James Newman has of being invited back for Eurovision 2022. Get back in the embers.

How do I pursue my wild dream of being an artist and living at the same time?

Wait, money and fulfilment? Slow down there, buckaroo. This’ll require a lot of luck, but perhaps diving into the colourful world of meme stocks might help. The margin call is inevitable so buy the dip and HOLD for your life.

Note: This is not financial advice, we just love AMC stocks. They are actually just our favourite movie theatre stocks and we’d never give financial advice. We just love the stock.

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