Indestructible Icelandic Football Horde To Imminently Decimate The Swiss

After their 2-2 victory against the World Cup champions France last week—a hard-fought game that scientifically proved once and for all that Iceland have exactly what it takes to win the World Cup—Iceland will today return to home soil to take on the scampering dotard OAPs of Switzerland.

The last time the two faced off was a famous occasion when Iceland were high on an unexpectedly strong crop of berserk mushrooms and allowed six goals to sail into the net unchallenged as they walked through the verdant leaves of a hallucinated, glittering, psychedelic jungle of the mind.

New head coach Erik Hamren is rumoured to have been microdosing for weeks to discover the optimal amount of mushroom one should take to smite a World top eight team—and the France result shows he has gotten it correct.

With Iceland’s star attacking players Gylfi Sigurðsson, Birkir Bjarnason, Jóhann Berg Guðmundsson and Alfreð Finnbogason in fine fettle and firing form, and the shield wall looking resolute and solid, the Swiss will find a different Iceland laying in wait for tonight’s Laugardalsvöllur ambush, which will take place a 18:45 GMT in Reykjavík.

The game is part of the UEFA Nations League, a new tournament that nobody can make head nor tail of quite yet. But the occasion matters not: Iceland know only how to smite.

And smite we will.