Please Sir, May I Have A Job?

Job hunting can fell even the most steadfast of seekers

Jobs! If you have one, it’s the worst thing to ever happen to you. If you don’t have one, it’s the worst thing to ever happen to you. Fun fact about me: I am jobless and broke. So, for once, I’m not here to help you. I’m helping myself; I need a fuckin’ job. Let’s dive into the Icelandic job market and hopefully find me an occupation.

Apply everywhere, right? Worst case, they say yes.

Where do I start? If I’m looking to work for the state, I should go to starfatorg.is. Otherwise, my best bet is going on Alfreð, the country’s sole job app. Both these options were designed to drain your will to live as efficiently as possible. Even the strongest of Icelanders, with their multiple degrees and passable control over the Danish language, suffer while navigating these spaces. For immigrants like me, it’s even harder.

To call Iceland a xenophobic country would not be unwrong. A cursory glance at any hiring place will show you that most if not all jobs within this country require expert level spoken and written Icelandic. Now, I personally do not doubt that an Icelandic teacher, a political representative, or a paramedic would need a firm grasp of the local language. But I have my suspicions that corpse mover, grocery shelf stocker, and dog food taster are not jobs that require the same linguistic mastery.

A thinly veiled attempt to reject immigrants from jobs perhaps? The old saying is true, I guess: “an Icelander who won’t do the job is still better than the útlendingar who will.”

If you do manage to slog your way through that initial process, you may be offered an interview and perhaps even *gasp* a trial shift! Trial shifts are a staple on this island and it’s the perfect way of vetting potential employees to see if they’re a serial killer. What many companies don’t realize is that for a lot of non-EU citizens (you know, the majority of the population of Earth), a trial shift is super illegal.

Fun fact about the Icelandic Immigration and Labor offices, they don’t let you work UNLESS you have an approved permit. Not merely applied for, but approved. This means that if you want to work, you’ll have to wait a month, maybe two, for them to process your request. Most companies don’t know about this or just conveniently forget about it if you’re of a white complexion. But what about the companies that don’t have time to wait for you. Is there anything they can do to circumvent this?

Yeah… they just work you illegally. Once you’ve got the job and apply for a permit the company just notes down how many hours you work until your permit comes through. And lo and behold, the week your permit is approved you, the hardworking employee, have miraculously worked 172 hours that same day. Immigration office, a message to you, if you make stupid rules people will find stupid ways to circumvent them.

Another fun fact: if you’ve been working in Iceland illegally, the Immigration office is out to get ya! Regardless of whether or not your boss or you knew about work permits, they can terminate your employment. Yes! The government can demand you stop working immediately. Have you worked there for five years? No one cares, cease employment. You are then expected to provide evidence that not a single Icelander on this Island could do the job that you have been doing. Maybe then, they’ll let you stay in the country.

My advice is to get married. Did you know you don’t need a work permit if you trick an Icelander into marrying you?

Calling all singles: Anyone wanna smooch? Anyone down to marry me? Please? Bjarki? I’m desperate.