Meet The Smiters: Kári “The Disciple of Doom” Árnason

Born in Gothenburg, Sweden and raised in Reykjavík, Kári “The Disciple of Doom” Árnason has been canonised on terraces in seven different countries. His dogged determination, penchant for the spectacular, and icy wit have endeared him to fans, but in reality, there’s only one man he aims to serve. In fact, his 19-year-career has been one long pilgrimage to Russia.

Kári’s quest first began after finishing a school assignment on the Papar; the wandering Irish monks who migrated to Iceland around the 9th century. In his sleep, one came to him in a dream, whispering “You are the Chosen One, Kári. Like us, you must travel the world and spread God’s word: through the medium of football. You shall go from New York to Copenhagen; from Plymouth to Aberdeen; from Rotherham to Nicosia. But in Russia, you will find your true purpose.”

“Kári was brought to the point of despair after signing a contract obligating him to eat Greggs pasties at least three times a day.”

On this journey, of course, his faith was tested. During his three-year spell at Rotherham United from 2012-2015, for example, Kári was brought to the point of despair after signing a contract obligating him to eat Greggs pasties at least three times a day.

As a consolation for his suffering, God bestowed two successive promotions upon Kári and Rotherham United, and gave him the strength to crush cry-baby Cristiano at Euro 2016. The good times kept on rolling after that, as he netted twice in nine appearances during Iceland’s glorious World Cup qualification campaign.

This summer, Kári will be dallying with the new gods and hoping that Icelandic victory is divine will because if it isn’t, he’s in for fours-years-worth of self-flagellation.

Age: 35
Hometown: Reykjavík
Club: Aberdeen
Position: Centre back
Special Skills: Nicknames: “The Disciple of Doom,” “The Cristiano Crusher,” “The Right Boot of God”

Read more about Icelandic football here.