Meet The Smiters: Jóhann Berg “The Berginator” Guðmundsson

It is written that in the year of 1990, a strange iceberg drifted into Reykjavík’s smoky bay and washed ashore on the uninhabited Geldinganes headland. A curious shepherd wandered out for a look and was shocked to find a baby amongst the melting glacier-blue shards. So it was that Johann Berg “The Berginator” Guðmundsson entered the realm of man.

“His penetrating runs graduated from mazy to labyrinthine.”

It quickly became apparent that he had a great destiny ahead of him when, as a child, he would play keepy-uppy with the severed heads of his foes for several days at a time. With an instinctive feeling of a worldly calling, he roamed the earth for years, winning the patronage of the Chelsea and Fulham youth teams before learning to ply his terrible trade at Breiðablík upon returning home. Stints followed at Dutch club AZ Alkmaar then Charlton Athletic, where his penetrating runs graduated from mazy to labyrinthine. He scored 16 and was headhunted by Premier League scrappers Burnley FC, growing into a fully-fledged Premier League winger-warrior.

Jóhann started his international career the way he meant to go on, firing in a scorching assist as Iceland romped to victory in an “unfriendly” battle known as “The Arson of Azerbaijan” in 2008. Since then, he hasn’t looked back at the trail of smouldering wreckage in his wake, netting six times in the Under-21s, and seven as a full-blown berserker in the Icelandic horde. Much like the Titanic, Argentina won’t see this Berg coming.

Name: Jóhann Berg Guðmundsson
Age: 27
Hometown: Reykjavík
Club: Burnley FC
Position: Winger
Special Skills: Crosses for the Gods, Sledgehammer Strikes, Labyrinthine Runs
Nicknames: “Iceberg,” “The Berginator,” “The Butcher Of Burnley”

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