Well You Asked: Just Some Mayo In The Matrix

Why do millenials hate mayonnaise so much?
Where to start. First of all, isn’t mayonnaise one of the blandest condiments imaginable? Maybe millennials just generally don’t like food that looks like that. Or maybe it’s all those super hipster no-gluten-no-dairy-no-identity sauce eaters. Plus, ketchup is a religion. Or to say it with Patrick Star’s words “Is mayonnaise an instrument?”

Why are we in the Matrix?
Dude, I have no idea. But whatever you’re taking, I want it. If, however, you are not on some special red or blue substance, let’s cut to the chase. We are in the Matrix because it’s a pretty decent place. I mean sure, the world sucks in many ways, but people are just too dimwitted to try to make their way out of the Matrix. Don’t be like everyone, get out!

But is she into me though?
If you have to ask, then probably not. Sorry. Are you an asshole? If yes, she probably found someone better. Are you genuinely nice and always agree to everything she says? She probably doesn’t want a sissy like you. Would you say that you’re a pretty neat guy? How about you just ask her. In the words of the great twentieth century poet George W. Bush, it’s not rocket surgery.