Darling, I Am Not Your Guide

Dear single heterosexual male tourist!

Welcome to Iceland! I know you must be excited to finally have realised your dream of visiting this exotic island in the North Atlantic, and I know you just can’t wait to discover its national treasures. You might also have heard about the nightlife in Reykjavík, the city that hardly ever sleeps (unless it’s in mid-winter darkness), and the hospitality of the locals. Oh, and also heard rumors about the excessively friendly demeanor of the females inhabiting this island of adventures and lustful nights.

You come well prepared, your hiking boots are polished, laces tied and right upon arrival you probably bought a puffin hat—all good. I’m sure you know Lonely Planet’s section on Iceland by heart, and you’ve watched ‘101 Reykjavík’ and ‘Children of Nature’ a couple of times, between going through the entire Björk and Sigur rós catalogues. Also you signed up for Tinder Plus, in order to meticulously plan your social life while here. That allowed you to browse through a wide selection of Icelandic single ladies, and perhaps start chatting them up before your arrival. And yes you are absolutely right—we single Viking women sure like the influx of fresh blood during the tourist season.

However, we need to set something straight. We use Tinder to meet men. Some of us like no-fuss hookups, some of us like to get together for a cup of coffee or a shot of Brennivín, and some are even looking for love. But we are not looking for unpaid jobs as your guide around Iceland—even though you offer to pay for transport and food. We have jobs, kids, obligations, friends, lovers, hobbies and stuff to do. That’s the thing I needed to tell you. I’m glad we got that out of the way!

Enjoy your stay,

Yours truly,

Ragga