Well, You Asked: From Talking To Girls To Starting A Fight

Stuck in a tricky situation? Don’t worry. Grapevine’s official advice column is here to help you.

Dear Grapevine,
Any advice on how to talk to Icelandic girls?
– Hopeful

Dear Hopeful,

This is a question that comes up a lot, in particular from hetero men who visit the country. Contrary to what you might think, they’re not actually a separate species from any other human being and, as such, have the same desire to be respected, listened to and appreciated. So introduce yourself. Ask what’s fun to do in town. Ask them about themselves. And above all, don’t be “that guy” who just buys shot after shot in the hopes of lowering her defences. It’s creepy as fuck, and we see through that shit.

Ranking from most to least, what are the top ten traditional places to have a brawl in Reykjavik? How about the countryside?
– Purvis

Dear Purvis,

What is wrong with you? Why would you even—never mind. You asked, so here you go:

Downtown, the best places to get in a fight begins with when you pick a fight. Weekend nights are best. You might try in the line to get into a club. Just try cutting in front of someone, or even gently but repeatedly nudging the person in front of you. It won’t be long before someone is willing to dance with you.

In the countryside, Keflavík is somewhat notorious as a brawl town. Likewise, you could go to Ísafjörður and talk shit about how awesome Reykjavík is. But overall, you can probably get your clock punched at any given sveitarball (country dance) anywhere in the countryside. Remember the movie Roadhouse, with Patrick Swayze? They’re a bit like that. Just remember that in the countryside, you’re outnumbered and don’t really have anywhere to run. Good luck, cowboy.