IKEA Christmas Goat Under 24/7 Guard

It has become a seasonal event–like the return of winter, darkness and parliament elections–the annual burning of the IKEA Christmas goat–but now the company is taking drastic measures to protect in.

This Christmas, two security guards will protect it all the time, at all cost, reports Nútíminn. “Every night we have guards in cars, always, all through the night,” IKEA CEO Þórarinn Ævarsson told RÚV.

Roasted goat

The Christmas goat’s history is a harrowing tale of pain, pyromania and police. In 2010, the first goat was erected outside IKEA in Garðabær, it lasted until December 23 before being roasted alive. The year after, heavy winds blew the goat on its side and in 2012 it was again burned. In 2013, an electric fence was put up around it, but again, heavy winds blew it over

In 2014, miraculously the goat survived unscathed, but the following year the goat caught fire from faulty string lights. Then last year, the goat was set ablaze by three drunken pyromaniacs, who were caught following a high speed chase. This summer, the trio was found guilt of burning the goat and ordered to pay a fine.

The goat of the Apocalypse

The Grapevine does not support pyromaniacs, but we also don’t support the Apocalypse. In the ‘Book of Revelations’ the Beast of Earth is described as having “two horns like a lamb”, so not a lamb, but lamb adjacent, i.e. goat.

So we are not saying the goat should be burned, but we should not rule out the possibility that not burning it will mark the end of days.

Save us Jebus.