Food Of Iceland: Landi

Is vodka not doing it for you anymore? Feel like your blackouts should be at least ten hours longer?

Well, Icelanders found the solution. “Landi,” or “The fellow countrymen,” as is its direct translation, is the roughest moonshine you’ll find in Northern Europe.

Landi is transparent, smells like turpentine, and varies in strength from 31% to 55%. The liquor is homemade and is most famous for being incredibly popular with kids from 12 to 19 years old in the 90s when it was hard to get alcohol legally. The best thing about that time was that the bottles of hooch were delivered to the customer by some shady dude in a pimped-out old car. Talk about service.

There are countless horror stories about Landi. The most famous one is that kids would go blind from drinking it. While this was somewhat of an urban myth, if you give the drink a taste, it’s not that implausible. It really tastes like something that should not be consumed.

So, what are the effects? Glad that you asked. It’s pretty much a given that you will throw up. If you don’t, consider joining a circus to show off that iron stomach.

When you’re through half of the bottle, one or all of the following will definitely happen: You will get into a fight. You won’t remember it. You will throw up. The police will arrest you, and you will get into a fistfight with them, too. Then you’ll go blind. You will wake up two days later feeling miserable, and your hangover will have a hangover.

So contact your local drug dealer, they probably have Landi. Enjoy.