Mystery Of Weed-Stuffed “Dildo” Solved

The owner of the weed-filled “dildo” found by customs last month got in touch with the Grapevine to give us the full story on what really happened and why (read her full letter at the bottom of this post).

As reported last month, customs officials in Seyðisfjörður, where the Norræna Ferry docks, were reportedly given a dildo that was found on the pier. After catching the attention of their drug dog, the dildo was discovered to be filled with marijuana.

While police took possession of the dildo, it remained a mystery who would bring such a thing to Iceland or why – until now.

The owner – whose identity and origin have been redacted for their own protection – contacted us, and offered the following explanation:

Firstly, the object in question was a not a dildo, but rather “a toy penis of plastic, provided with a suction pad to make it stick on windows.”

The owner originally brought the marijuana with them “as a tool of connection [with other people] in the right upcoming situation” but, when cautioned by several people that Iceland has strict drug controls, the owner decided it would be best to dispose of it.

“I went to the highest deck [of the ferry] and told the wind that it had just been meant as a present for the hospitality of this country,” the owner told us. “That I done wrong in my hope for personal gain, and that I will sacrifice it due to the signs. In exchange, I requested to be allowed to enter the country, not only with my feet, but by heart. Then I threw it away and it touched Iceland before I did.”

The plastic penis and its contents summarily disposed of, the rest of its fate is history.

—

From: [redacted]

Date: June 16, 2015 at 8:06:07 PM GMT

Subject: Ferry Dildo Misunderstanding

Dear [redacted],

after talking to you, [redacted] just told me, that you might be the right person to address for an adjustment regarding the weed dildo coincidence of May 19th.

I was pretty surprised that the story arrived in Reykjavík before me, but also even pretty flattered.
It was just a pity that the best parts of the story stayed unexposed, I guess due to humourless police – that seems to be the same everywhere.

So, here are the complementary details:

First I need to rectify that the object was not a dildo, but much to small to be of a dildo-like use.
It was actually a toy penis of plastic, provided with a suction pad to make it stick on windows (got it from a flea market – saw it – had to have it!).

Please find attached a painting of how exactly it looked.

I traveled to Iceland by ferry to stay here for three months and brought from my hometown some very good homegrown weed, as a tool of connection in the right upcoming situation.

On the morning of arrival, three different people told me unaskedly (sic) about very strict drug controls, so I started to worry about these bad signs coming up.

As a fan of theatralic (sic) life performance, I went to the highest deck and told the wind that it had just been meant as a present for the hospitality of this country, that I done wrong in my hope for personal gain, and that I will sacrifice it due to the signs- in exchange I requested  to be allowed to enter the country, not only with my feet, but by heart.

Then I threw it away and it touched Iceland before I did.

Even though I was not searched at all, I didn’t regret the decision a single time, because since then, Iceland has absorbed me like a newborn child. I only regret that nobody else has found it,
somebody who would have a use for it, and who would have seen the stickers [advertising] our [redacted event name] wrapped around it, and would just have come around in August and brought me my empty penis back.

That would have been the perfect end to this story, right?

I am [redacted], from Germany, [redacted], and I hope you the not hidden advertisement is – regarding the true story! – none of a problem. I was about to contact you and some of your collegues very soon,
to introduce us as a [redacted], that takes place in [redacted] this [redacted], but this story came earlier.

Please feel invited to contact me, and thanks for your interest in this funny little story.

Liebsten Gruß,

[redacted]
Image: illustration of weed dildo by [REDACTED].