Don’t Ask Nanna: About How To Score Fat Chicks

Lord Nanna, of the race of Anu,

First of all, you look so beautiful, so healthy and smart.

I’m skinny, athletic guy and i love girls like you, i mean i don’t like thin, slender girls but unfortunately size plus girls don’t even look at me…

Maybe my body is the reason? For example is this problem for you, where you boyfriend is thinner than you?

Takk dásamlegt kona.

Substrata

Okay Substrata,

Here’s the thing, you freaked me out with the Lord Nanna of the Race Anu spiel. If you’re walking up to sexy thick girls and making references to Satanic Hymns right off the bat then these women are right to be skittish.

That kind of thing may fly with the skinny girls you’ve gone out with but us fat girls, well we’ve watched Silence of the Lambs and we live a life of constant vigilance.

I can’t speak for the plus girls you’ve met but I don’t think your body is the issue. Your body is fine, everyone’s body is fine. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that you have to look a certain way to find love. You don’t have to look a certain way, you have to act a certain way.

If  you make a pass at a plus size woman and she doesn’t want to give you the time of day, she doesn’t have to. Plus women – any woman for that matter – don’t owe their time, attention or affection to any person.

Not even to nice guys with a working knowledge of Satanic verses.

So if you try to make conversation with a woman and she decides to ignore you, or maybe keep it platonic, that’s her prerogative because she doesn’t exist to boost your ego.

I am not trying to be cruel by saying that, that’s me being nice.

So what to do? I mean… get into a hobby that’ll introduce you to plenty of people? If you meet someone you like just be nice or flirt a little. If your flirtation is reciprocated then see where it leads and if not, let it go and don’t invest anymore emotional capital.

Lastly, try no to put too much pressure on yourself or others, if it happens, it happens. And if it doesn’t you’ll just spend your life single and alone, which I think society greatly underestimates, just FYI.

May the odds be ever in your favour,

Nanna

Hey Nanna,

I’m visiting Iceland over Easter and heard rumours that all of Iceland shuts down over the holiday. On a scale of one to ten how scared should I be about that?

Spring Chicken

Hey Spring Chicken,

I’d say you should be at around a 6 on the panic scale. The buses are running on Sunday schedules, the swimming pools are either closed or running short holiday hours, some restaurants and shops might be closed but by now Icelandic business owners are hooked on that tourist income so are probably making an effort to stay open.

In short, you should be fine.

Nanna

Hi Nanna,

How do Icelanders celebrate Easter?

Nói Serious

Hey Nói Serious,

Like this, basically.

via GIPHY

Nanna