Don’t Ask Nanna: About Annoying Tourists

Hey Nanna

Yesterday I saw two tourists staging their coffee and breakfast at Roasters. One of them even stepped on a chair to get a better angle. I came in, waited in line, ordered, got my coffee and when I left they were STILL AT IT. I can’t even imagine the coffee was still warm! Are they assholes?

Caffeinated

Hey Caffeinated,

Yes, no question, these people are assholes. But so are you. You know who these people were hurting with their epic lameness? Nobody. Sure, there is a social contract which stipulates you should go to a café to drink your fucking coffee without disturbing others then get on with life.

But really, as long as no one was sitting in the chair while the tourist climbed on it, then who the fuck cares? Don’t be too judgey man, we’re all trying to live our best lives here.

Nanna

Dear Nana

Last night a random Icelandic girl grabbed my ass on the street. Given that Iceland is so much culturally different from my home country (I’m Colombian), should I take it as a compliment? Or should I call the police and suit her for harassment?

All best,

The Colombian

Hey Colombian,

Firstly, it’s Nanna, with two N’s in the middle.

Secondly, I’m not sure what you want from me here. Are you trying to point out a double standard between drunk women smacking a guy’s ass and it being ‘okay’ contra a man doing the same? It’s not cool from either side obviously but even so I’m about to lay some truth on you, boo boo.

Context matters.

One in three women are assaulted, physically, sexually, mentally and 70% of women worldwide report violence at the hands of their intimate partners. In 2015, the UN reported that 1 in 2 women killed were murdered by their intimate partners or family members.

In Iceland women are more likely to be victims of violent crimes than men and guess what men perpetrate about 96% of all violent crimes/homicides. Men are assaulted too of course but those crimes – and this is important for context – are mostly perpetrated by men against other men.

So, statistically speaking, historically speaking, especially in light of what happened to Birna last month, women have more reason to be fearful when a drunk man smacks their ass on the street than a man has of a woman doing the same.

Someone groping you on the street against your will is never cool. The girl who groped you should know as much and shame on her. If you want to call the police in that situation, more power to you. You have a right to protect yourself, you have a right to control who touches your body.

If you would prefer to take it as a compliment that’s also up to you. But let’s not pretend it’s some tragic double standard that women are benefitting from because the numbers just don’t add up, boo boo.

Nanna

Dear Nanna,

Where can I get the best Kleinur recipe?

Baker’s Dozen

Dear Baker’s Dozen,

I’m exhausted just reading the question. You want to make them? Like from scratch?

You realise you’d have to make the dough plus I think they’re deep fried. Do you really trust yourself with a pot of boiling oil? Just buy them, for Thor’s sake, this is why we make money. To buy the things.

Nanna