Don’t Ask Nanna: About Restaurant Etiquette

Hi Nanna,
OK, I was out with friends for dinner at Gandhi and while we were eating I put on my best Apu accent and made some jokes. “Thank you, come again,” head wiggling, you know. All of it was in the spirit of fun but my friends told me it was racist. I wouldn’t dream of actually offending anyone but my friends insisted. So, what’s your verdict; are they right or am I?
Nahasapeemapetilon

Hi Nahasapeemapetilon,
As long as you don’t mean to be offensive then it’s impossible for you to actually be offensive. You’re a goat fucking piece of human garbage—no offense! See?
I for one, am surprised your friends don’t find your hilarious racist jokes funny. Obviously they don’t understand that white people are normal and everyone else talks weird and all those people from different cultures and of different colours are there for your amusement, just caricatures waiting for you to wear them like a hat and discard when the meal is over.
Does that clear things up?
‘Kay Thanks, Bæ,
Nanna

Dear Nanna,
So, where I’m from it is customary for guys to pay for dinner or drinks in a date scenario and I get that Iceland’s liberated and yada yada, but guys don’t even pull out chairs or open doors or locate the bathroom. Do we have to lose all the perks of gentlemanhood with gender equality?
Lady

Dear Lady,
Locate the bathroom? Were guys you dated actually scoping out where the fucking restrooms were when you arrived at restaurants for dates? Did your exes secure the perimeter and exits too? Were they actually Bodyguards? Were they Kevin Costner? Will You Always Love Them?
Nanna

P.S. What Icelandic guy took you on a date? I didn’t even know that was a thing Icelandic people did? I thought we just stayed over at each other’s houses until someone got pregnant?

Hey Nanna,
Which Reykjavik restaurant is the most overrated?
Gourmand

Hey Gourmand,
Hlöllabátar! Suck it haters, I don’t care if you love it, it’s trash!
Nanna

Don’t email nanna@grapevine.com, or tweet her at @nannaarnadottir.