Missing In Iceland: Rabies

So you plan on flying your adorable akita from America to Akranes. Well, best make plans in advance because upon arrival in Iceland, each and every foreign pooch is subjected to a long period of solitary confinement. Yes, just like Laverne Cox on ‘Orange Is The New Black,’ no one exits those rooms the same. So say goodbye to the happy husky you knew and loved.

Iceland is one of those lucky lands free of the foamy horrors of rabies. This is due not only to the isolation of the country (raccoons are notoriously bad at flying) but also a harsh animal importation and vetting policy that ensures every single animal entering the country is clean and vaccinated.

But let’s say you just have to port your pooch to Patreksfjörður. What will happen? Well, upon arrival the doggo will spend two to three weeks quarantined at an animal facility in Reykjanesbær. The service ain’t free and prices can get as high as 500.000 ISK ($7,700, €5,500). Happiness costs, even for man’s best friend.

Sentencing your pets to death

And if you think you can just pull a Winona Ryder and illegally carry your pet into Iceland, think again. In April 2017, a sneaky Swiss woman tried this with her kitty cat. She was extremely dismayed, though, when the Icelandic police—upon discovering the feline alien—killed the cat without hesitation. The same thing happened in 2003 with a French couple, who apparently violently attacked the police to stop them from putting down their adorable pussy. They say don’t fuck with the French, but seriously, rabies sucks.

While most terrorists favor suicide bombings or the classic school-shooting method to wreak havoc, if you’re really looking to fuck with a country forever, smuggle in a rabid pooch. That’s a 9/11 level way to ruin morale here and be remembered forever. It’s a dick move, but some people just want to watch the world foam, you know?