Do Shit: Move House, And Live To Tell The Tale

Welcome to the latest episode of our ongoing útlendingar’s guide to getting shit done.

Moving fucking sucks, and there’s no two ways about it. It’s tiring, it’s a huge amount of hassle, and upending your only truly safe space is psychologically gruelling. It’s an inevitable part of the process that you’ll end up covered in dust at your wits end holding a letter from a distant ex in one hand and a somehow-suddenly-sentimental cracked mug in the other, on the verge of flipping out.

And if you’ve lived here for a while — or read this paper recently — you’ll know that moving is a regular thing for a lot of Reykjavíkingur. The housing market is brutal, with low availability and sky-high rent. The nice places move between friends, and everyone else gets bounced around like a pinball as apartment after overpriced apartment gets renovated into yet another soulless Airbnb, leaving its unfortunate occupants kicked to the kerb. What’s left online is the dregs of Icelandic accommodation — halfheartedly converted storage spaces, misshapen architectural offcuts posing as studios, and miniscule box rooms that you’d still have to sell a kidney or two to afford.

But hey, moving sucks anywhere, and we all have to do it. When it comes to practicalities of actually moving your shit from place to place, here are your options, ranging from optimal to convenient to downright humiliating. Let’s start at the top.

1. Hire a dude with a van
If you happen to have the cash, a van person is 100% the way to go. There are a few companies you can call, such as Nýja Sendibílastöðin. Just book a time, pray to the parking gods, and your new best friend will arrive like Gandalf at Helm’s Deep. They will have ideas about how to best angle that awkwardly long sofa down the stairs. They will produce a trolley out of nowhere. They will lift like a champ. It will cost you several tens of thousands of krónur. And it will be worth it.

2. Rent something you can drive yourself
If you can’t afford a Hercules-for-hire, maybe you can still afford a plain old van. You can hire something solid for a cheap price at Thrifty or Bílaleiga Akureyrar, or use the Hopp app to grab a car off the street. If you have time, go get a drive-through KFC or something to make the most of it — and when you wake up tomorrow with every muscle aching, just try to remember the good parts.

3. Bribe a car-owning friend with pizza
Nobody tells you that when you drive, you take on a whole load of invisible social responsibility. A friend twists an ankle? You’re taking them to the doctor. Their flat got turned into an Airbnb? Looks like you’re giving them a lift. Pick some chill moving day music like Soft Hair or something. Set the vibe to “buddy movie.” Wear a vest and some old denim, and a battered old cap. Cosplay hard enough, and it might actually become fun.

4. Go on Strætó like an absolute maniac
Look, this is a dumb idea. But if there are a couple of advantageously placed bus stops at each end, then why not. You can be That Guy using the pram space to stash your ironing board — and if you get lucky, @originalsleepygirl will put you in her Instagram story with a quippy caption. If you’re gonna go through true moving hell, you might as well go viral. Go get your 15 seconds of fame.

5. Do it on foot I guess
Ah, yes — the Kerouac dream. We don’t need mere things. We have downsized, and cast our useless corporeal trinkets back into the ether from which they came. We have been to SORPA, and SORPed til we’re blue in the face, then obnoxiously filled the shared house wheelie bin to the brim. We have our notebook, a pen, a shitty bluetooth speaker, and hopefully the right cable to charge it. Everything is squashed into two cases. We will move on foot, and it will be fucking poetic. And then it will be over — for another few months.

Do more shit: check out the rest of the series here.