Missing In Iceland: Dinosaur Fossils

Unfortunately for us, the thrice-divorced Ross Geller could never live in Iceland. Why, you ask? Well, first of all, his son Ben’s mother lives in New York and while the kid mysteriously disappeared five seasons into the show, Ross presumably couldn’t leave him. More importantly, though, there are—or rather, were—no dinosaurs on the entire island of Iceland.

Why, you ask?

Iceland first appeared on the ocean surface around 16 to 18 million years ago. On the geological timescale, this is basically like five seconds.

“Unfortunately for us, the thrice-divorced Ross Geller could never live in Iceland.”

In those seconds, the country has grown eruption-by-eruption into its present size, been infected by the Danish human virus, produced a few world-class musicians, almost had a class-war, and became a tourist paradise complete with overpriced Northern Lights tours and whale steak. What a wild ride.

Dinosaurs, meanwhile, first appeared around 247 million years ago before becoming extinct just 60 million years ago. There was obviously no overlap, so there were no fossils anywhere to be found here.

StegoSatan

That’s a pretty cut-and-dry answer, but that said, there is another possible reason for the lack of big ass bones in the Icelandic ground.

“Perhaps Lucifer found Icelanders already so far gone on the highway to hell that he didn’t even bother.”

Fundamentalist Christians, who are notoriously right about everything, claim that dinosaur fossils were put into the ground by Lucifer to test our faith and lead us away from the one true path to salvation. So perhaps Lucy found Icelanders already so far gone on the highway to hell that he didn’t even bother. It’s a pretty sensible and reasonable argument.

It’s important to note though that Iceland is pretty small, so if global warming does its thing and warms the bitch up, it could be a great location for a future Jurassic Park-esque situation. Stegosaurus Seyðisfjörður. Velociraptor Vík. Cha-ching, cha-ching.