Well, You Asked: The Bachelor Shower Scene Edition

We know you watched The Bachelor. Don’t lie. We’re here to answer all your questions about the show.

Why did Colton jump the fence?

Are you serious? Did you not watch Colton get his heart broken in a way not seen since last season with Arie and Becca? Seriously though, that was one of the most brutal things we’ve ever seen on TV. We literally watched a man get his heart smashed into pieces on live TV so it’s natural that he would vault over a 2.5 metre fence into darkness to heal his virgin soul.

But you got to give it up to ‘The Bachelor’ editors, who, in a stroke of pure genius, cycled between confessionals of Colton saying, “Cassie is the one. I am in love with her,” and Cassie responding, “I am just not there with him.” Now that’s showbiz.

Did we really miss out on a great Fantasy Suite with Demi?

Yes, a thousand times yes. Were we subjected to a fantasy suite with Demi “I haven’t dated a virgin since I was 12” Burnett, we assume she’d end up in prison with her mom for burning down the building with her hot moves. #DemiForBachelorette

Do you think Courtney ever talked to Colton?

No. We reached out to Colton for comment and he had no idea who we were talking about, saying only, “Isn’t that the one who had sex in the ocean a few seasons ago?”