Eulogy for Asia (The Restaurant, Not The Continent)

After 27 years in business, the owners of pan-Asian take away joint Asia are closing their doors for good. The owners expressed their thanks to their regulars but were not willing to disclose what would come next for them or what business might take over the premises.

Oh, Asia. RIP. I hardly knew ya. Mostly because sometimes I’d get sick after eating inside of you. But I still have a soft spot for you. And those busloads of Chinese tourists sure loved your stuff (they are a mysterious people). Your lunch buffet wasn’t always edible. But it was always there. And that was pretty cool.

We didn’t always get along. But some of us thought you did a good job and kinda liked you. You could have avoided those nasty reviews, if only you had sold me that bottle of cobra wine instead of refusing for health and safety reasons. Then I would have died from cobra stuff and you would have been free to do your own thing. Thanks for resisting that urge. I know I can be pretty hard to live with.

With the downtown restaurant rotation the way it is, it’s always sad to see a longstanding restaurant go. And I really do wish the owners all the best and hope they go on to bigger and brighter things. Maybe they could open an amusement park. It would be an ironic twist on the carousel crack in my review.

I get it. Running a restaurant is no picnic (mostly because picnics are outside, inside wicker picnic baskets and not inside yellow houses with those familiar, green palm trees). I appreciate the effort. I really do.

Tell you what, I dabble in the occult and I’ll put a hex on the location so that if anyone tries to open a puffin store there, the plush puffins will come alive like in Five Nights at Freddy and eat the staff. Just, you know. So downtown won’t get suckier.

We def don’t need a suckier downtown. RIP Asia.